Part of the human experience is that when we are struggling with a circumstance, we forget that our thoughts about the situation are not necessarily rooted truth or being viewed through a spot-free lens. This leads to two primary issues: Misunderstandings that hurt relationships -and- Misunderstandings that hurt us. But that's only PART of the story...

What do self-care and tough love have in common? Contrary to popular belief, self-care is not all bubble baths & pedicures. In fact, sometimes it looks more like tough love than self-doting! While there’s nothing wrong with taking time to slow down, pamper ourselves and enjoy life, our society has somehow expanded this to mean that self-care means self-indulging–even when it’s at our long term detriment– as long as it makes us feel good in the moment.

Have you ever wondered what the difference is between counseling and coaching? If you said yes, you’re certainly not alone! There is so much cross-over between these two helping fields, in fact, that if you ask 20 different counselors and coaches, you’ll likely get 50 different answers! Many say that counseling focuses on the past, while coaching focuses on the future. Unfortunately, it’s not quite that simple.

Dogs are funny creatures…mostly because of the characteristics they share with humans. People (like dogs) often behave terribly when they’re afraid. Although we have the ability to discuss our fears with others, we sometimes put on a bravado instead-to appear unafraid. But resisting and denying our emotions seldom works. Eventually, they show up when we least want them to! In this article, I'll show you how to reduce the bark, growl, and threat, returning to people to their better versions of themselves.

We're winding up the series that looks at how villainizing others ends up hurting ourselves. Keeping someone in the villain role robs you of forgiveness. Forgiveness. It’s an ambivalent word. A verb and a noun. An emotion and construct. It’s both necessary and complicated. It sounds so kind & lovely…until you have someone to forgive! But most importantly, forgiveness has the power to heal BOTH villain and victim.​

In this three-part series, we’re looking at the three things we do that victimize ourselves. Today, we look at the second thing that keeps us feeling like a victim of our circumstances. Isn’t it odd that when someone hurts us, we often choose THAT person to allow ownership of our emotions?! It’s wrought with hopelessness. Instead, I help clients look inward at the three things that are in their control: Their thoughts, feelings and (re)actions. It’s the only way to step out of the role of victim, to regain control of our lives.

Villainizing others may feel better in the moment, but it never produces long-term peace. In this three-part series, I’ll show you three ways we victimize ourselves, and how to fight the good fight and end the war. Today, we’ll look at one way we cause harm to ourselves: We refuse to acknowledge our role in the current circumstances. Whether addressing a simple misunderstanding, or something as complex as brokenness within a marriage, the same principle applies. Our thoughts create emotions which drive our actions. When we repeat these actions, they create results in our lives.

Crisis turns up the heat on whatever is already occurring inside. What we have grows in crisis. This is why great marriages get stronger during the death of a child, whereas fractured marriages end. When things are going great in our life, we pay little attention to our thinking…because there’s no reason to change our thoughts or feelings. But crisis startles the brain, making it on high-alert for any signs of danger. This helps us regain a sense of security and control. This makes us human. And it is NOT helpful.

We look to our past to see what's possible in our lives. We let all the lies we've believed and the identity we've adopted (from the world-not from our Creator!) box us in and keep us from growing and expanding. It's important to challenge and fact-check our thoughts to make sure they're valid before accepting them as truth. Especially when it comes to limiting who we are and what we can do...or rather, who God is and what He can do in and through us! As pastor and author Steven Furtick said, "When lies are not confronted, callings are not fulfilled”