We're winding up the series that looks at how villainizing others ends up hurting ourselves. Keeping someone in the villain role robs you of forgiveness. Forgiveness. It’s an ambivalent word. A verb and a noun. An emotion and construct. It’s both necessary and complicated. It sounds so kind & lovely…until you have someone to forgive! But most importantly, forgiveness has the power to heal BOTH villain and victim.​

In this three-part series, we’re looking at the three things we do that victimize ourselves. Today, we look at the second thing that keeps us feeling like a victim of our circumstances. Isn’t it odd that when someone hurts us, we often choose THAT person to allow ownership of our emotions?! It’s wrought with hopelessness. Instead, I help clients look inward at the three things that are in their control: Their thoughts, feelings and (re)actions. It’s the only way to step out of the role of victim, to regain control of our lives.

Villainizing others may feel better in the moment, but it never produces long-term peace. In this three-part series, I’ll show you three ways we victimize ourselves, and how to fight the good fight and end the war. Today, we’ll look at one way we cause harm to ourselves: We refuse to acknowledge our role in the current circumstances. Whether addressing a simple misunderstanding, or something as complex as brokenness within a marriage, the same principle applies. Our thoughts create emotions which drive our actions. When we repeat these actions, they create results in our lives.

Crisis turns up the heat on whatever is already occurring inside. What we have grows in crisis. This is why great marriages get stronger during the death of a child, whereas fractured marriages end. When things are going great in our life, we pay little attention to our thinking…because there’s no reason to change our thoughts or feelings. But crisis startles the brain, making it on high-alert for any signs of danger. This helps us regain a sense of security and control. This makes us human. And it is NOT helpful.

It seems we’re all running on or near empty these days. This week while grocery shopping, I looked at the sea of faces around me and saw tired eyes in all directions. Whether tired of wearing steamed up masks or exhausted from living a life that’s been turned on its head for nearly half a year, I can’t say, but tired nonetheless. So how do we refill when when our cup runs dry?

Our identities as humans are rich and multi-faceted. Knowing who we are gives us insight into how we interpret and show up for the world around us. Increased self-awareness can even help us become more aware of others. But far more important than knowing who we are is knowing whose we are. Because who we are will likely change more times than we can count over the course of our lifetime. But our Father is unchanging, and knowing this and who He is, brings a stability, comfort and peace that is unshakable!

There are many reasons why people pursue a goal. To challenge themselves. To see what's possible. To offer something to others. ...The list goes on. But of all the reasons I hear from clients, there is one that waves a red flag every time it's spoken: to find happiness or contentment.

So often, we second guess our dreams, or stop pursuing them all together! Why? Fear, confusion, doubt... Nothing needs to stop us from the dream God provides.