Every year in December, I enter the typical hustle and bustle of shopping, wrapping, baking, decorating, and all things preparing for Christmas.
In past years, I’ve said more times than I can count, “I love seeing everyone for the Holidays, but it would be so nice to get to slow down just one year and not be constantly on the run!” Careful what you wish for, right?

I’m guessing this Thanksgiving was a little “different” for you. Actually, at this point of 2020 “different” is becoming the “norm.” This is precisely why I decided ahead of time that I wasn’t going to get myself too psyched up for Thanksgiving. My husband would be hunting as usual, and I’d invited my mom and aunt to come for a relaxed day with a traditional turkey meal at noon followed by movies and a fire…all at a respective distance from each other.

One day in high school French, Madame VanderZanden began class by telling us a story. She said that her favorite question to ask little kids this time of year was, “What are you giving for Christmas?” She said that inevitably, kids jump into reciting a long list of toys they’re hoping for, showing their excitement and belief in Santa and all he would bring.

She would nod and listen, waiting for them to finish and then would ask…

While autumn is my favorite season, it’s also the busiest time for me professionally. As the seasons change in the Midwest, people are faced with longer dark days that come with Daylight Savings Time, look ahead to the months “stuck” indoors, and the unfortunate stress that many feel with the holiday season.

In the engineering world, “stress” is defined in (laymen’s) terms of the ratio of pressure or force in relation to the area it is stretched out across. Mental or emotional strain/tension is determined by three different areas.

I’ve got a treat for you. Something that will serve you better than all those Snickers, Gummy-things or Slow Pokes will.

Some of us have a tendency to eat our feelings rather than FEELING them.

Today, I’m sharing three steps to processing your emotion rather than eating all those left-over pieces of candy the Trick-or-Treaters didn’t touch.

Part of the human experience is that when we are struggling with a circumstance, we forget that our thoughts about the situation are not necessarily rooted truth or being viewed through a spot-free lens. This leads to two primary issues: Misunderstandings that hurt relationships
-and-
Misunderstandings that hurt us.
But that’s only PART of the story…

What do self-care and tough love have in common?

Contrary to popular belief, self-care is not all bubble baths & pedicures.

In fact, sometimes it looks more like tough love than self-doting!

While there’s nothing wrong with taking time to slow down, pamper ourselves and enjoy life, our society has somehow expanded this to mean that self-care means self-indulging–even when it’s at our long term detriment– as long as it makes us feel good in the moment.

Have you ever wondered what the difference is between counseling and coaching? If you said yes, you’re certainly not alone! There is so much cross-over between these two helping fields, in fact, that if you ask 20 different counselors and coaches, you’ll likely get 50 different answers! Many say that counseling focuses on the past, while coaching focuses on the future. Unfortunately, it’s not quite that simple.

Dogs are funny creatures…mostly because of the characteristics they share with humans.

People (like dogs) often behave terribly when they’re afraid. Although we have the ability to discuss our fears with others, we sometimes put on a bravado instead-to appear unafraid. But resisting and denying our emotions seldom works. Eventually, they show up when we least want them to! In this article, I’ll show you how to reduce the bark, growl, and threat, returning to people to their better versions of themselves.

We’re winding up the series that looks at how villainizing others ends up hurting ourselves. Keeping someone in the villain role robs you of forgiveness.

Forgiveness. It’s an ambivalent word. A verb and a noun. An emotion and construct. It’s both necessary and complicated. It sounds so kind &
lovely…until you have someone to forgive! But most importantly, forgiveness has the power to heal BOTH villain and victim.​

In this three-part series, we’re looking at the three things we do that victimize ourselves. Today, we look at the second thing that keeps us feeling like a victim of our circumstances. Isn’t it odd that when someone hurts us, we often choose THAT person to allow ownership of our emotions?! It’s wrought with hopelessness. Instead, I help clients look inward at the three things that are in their control: Their thoughts, feelings and (re)actions. It’s the only way to step out of the role of victim, to regain control of our lives.

Villainizing others may feel better in the moment, but it never produces long-term peace.

In this three-part series, I’ll show you three ways we victimize ourselves, and how to fight the good fight and end the war. Today, we’ll look at one way we cause harm to ourselves:
We refuse to acknowledge our role in the current circumstances.

Whether addressing a simple misunderstanding, or something as complex as brokenness within a marriage, the same principle applies. Our thoughts create emotions which drive our actions. When we repeat these actions, they create results in our lives.