How to 10X Your Experience & Results
While coaching a woman about her body image when she told me something I hear often. It sounded reasonable enough. “I’ll love my body when I lose some weight.” I helped her see that the reverse is true. She’ll lose weight when she loves her body.” How do I know? Because results don’t create feelings. Our feelings drive action, and then those actions create results. But this isn’t taught in our society. People get this wrong every day. They say they’ll take action, which will bring a result, and that will help them achieve a feeling they want. How many different versions of this “out of order” model have you heard?
I’ll go to school, get my degree and that will make me feel confident. When I read my Bible and pray every day, I live a God-pleasing life and then I feel loved by God. If I dressed really cute and get compliments from others, then I’ll feel beautiful. If I start my own business and earn a certain amount, then I’ll feel worthy. Out of Order! Here’s the thing: Taking action does create results. (Notice in the diagram above, the Action and Result are in the correct order.) But results don’t create feelings. Our thoughts about the results do. I spend a lot of time coaching my client’s on how to “hack the F-line” (How to hack into the “feeling” line of the model) in order to 10X both their results and the experience. Imagine what it a difference it makes when you take action from the feeling you’re wanting. Imagine: Learning to feel confident first, and then going to school as a confident person to get your degree. Or reading your Bible & spending time in prayer with Him from a place of feeling love; then living a God-pleasing life. Feeling beautiful, and then dressing to match that beauty (resulting in compliments from others that are a bonus!). Feeling worthy and then starting your business and being financially successful. (Again- those higher earnings wouldn’t define your worth.) Why the order matters Results don’t cause feelings. We can feel things before we get the result. I can believe I’m capable of getting my master’s degree (and therefore feel capable) before I get it. I can feel desirable (as a result of my thinking) before I find my soul mate. Any time we act from feeling (which of course also means acting from belief) we will have bigger results! I remember seeing a study in the 90s where they sent identical female twins of different weights into “blind dates” with male test participants. They had the twin who weight considerably more act “sassy and confident” and the thinner “more fit” twin act timid about her body image. With that one exception, they were coached to act as similarly as possible. Every participant reported finding the heavier of the two twins more desirable and attractive. My point is that when we act out of a feeling (in this case “desirable”), we are so much more likely to get a result that aligns with our feeling. A confident student generally does better than one who thinks she is “stupid”. How to think a new thought We generate feelings through the story we tell ourselves. But telling ourselves something we don’t yet believe won’t work. Bridge thoughts can help us move from our current belief to the one we want to have in incremental changes. The next time you need to take action, or are temped to take action in order to feel something, stop to take a pulse on the feeling you’re wanting and your current belief about it. Manage your mind first. And then take action!
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