As a therapist, I help people recover from the throes of their life.
As a coach, I preventively help you prepare your mind so you’re able to tolerate stress well and not suffer from the weight of your circumstances.

In the engineering world, “stress” is defined in (laymen’s) terms of the ratio of pressure or force in relation to the area it is stretched out across.  My engineer-brained husband may have a few qualms with my explanation of that, but it’s close enough to help you apply this analogy to the psychological definition of stress. Mental or emotional strain/tension is determined by three different areas. This is best explained with the Bottom-Up, Outside-in, Top-Down Model. (On a related side-note, if you haven’t seen the Pixar movie Inside Out, I highly recommend it! It’s a cute explanation of your brain and emotions that will put this all into perspective.)

Understanding these three different aspects of how the brain is influenced will also help you build in protection for both your brain and your mood! Let’s look at each one individually.

Bottom-up, Outside-in, Top-down Model

1.  Bottom-up

These are biological/physiological in nature. It’s your genes, DNA, gut health, the nutrition available in your body, pain and sensations.

While some elements of the this realm are predetermined, plenty of areas can be influenced and changed by our choices and behaviors. Eating a variety of fruits and vegetables that span the color spectrum will increase the production of neurochemicals needed to keep us mentally healthy in addition to nourishing the rest of our body. Living an active lifestyle and getting regular cardiovascular exercise releases endorphins and other “feel good” chemicals internally. Even getting outside to absorb the sunshine impacts our health and mood. Together, this makes up a large part of our mental and emotional health and all are within our control.

Sleep is one of the top areas to focus on here, as adults need 7-9 hours of sleep in order to perform at their best. While we are at sleep, our brain is anything but “asleep!”  While we rest and dream, the brain goes through an extensive house-cleaning, removing toxins from the brain, dividing memories into long-term and short-term, deciding what information it needs to keep and toss. All of these things play a role in our ability to regulate our emotions during the day!

2.  Outside-in

Think of this as your environment.  It’s the “nurture” in “nature vs. nurture” and it includes things like stress, support system, upbringing, life experiences, education, etc.

We were created for connection! Our Creator tells us that we were made to love & connect with Him and others.  Having a support system is crucial to us and to our society. Finding places where you contribute to the wellbeing of others, and they do yours will benefit you in more ways than you may realize. Scientists agree that the larger the brain (specifically the neocortex-the area of higher brain functioning), the larger the social group of the animal.

While you likely think of things like taking a class, joining a club, or making new friends when you think of ways to boost this area of support to mental & emotional health, think outside the box as well.  Studies have shown that feel good neurochemicals are released into the blood stream when we connect with others and feel that we and they belong! One study showed that the reward center of the brain was more active when gave ten dollars away than when they received it.

3.  Top-down 

This includes your thoughts, feelings, cognitions, mindset and beliefs.

As a life coach, this is the area that I live in! While there are many circumstances in your life that are beyond your control, we always have the ability to control how we think, feel (through our thinking), and act.  We know that what we focus on grows, so if we focus on the problems of the world and watch the news 24/7, we’re going to believe the world is doomed.  If we focus on what’s going well or the ways I can impact my life and circumstances, I’ll begin to see where change is possible. Philippians 4:8 says whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. And Romans 12:2 tells us not to let the world conform us, but instead, to be transformed through the renewing of our minds.  Our Creator shared with us, in this owners manual, that what we think about matters!

As you review this list, what are three actions you can take today to begin to brace your mental and emotional health?  If you would like some extra support in this area, I’d be honored to be your coach.  Whether through individual coaching, or the Rising Soul membership, where we deep-dive into a new lesson each week in order to live your best life, with Christ is at the center of it all…you’ll not only gain tools and techniques, but learn how to apply them in life-changing ways so that you’re living the life you were created for.  We weren’t meant to do this life alone. There’s a lot going on in our world today. (How tired are you of hearing the word “unprecedented”?!).  Don’t do it alone. You were created for connection.

Need some extra support?

It’s available in many forms! Click below to schedule a free forty-five minute consultation where we’ll take a snapshot of how you’re doing and what support you’d benefit most from. We’ll get you living the life you were created for.

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Contrary to popular belief, self-care is not all bubble baths & pedicures.

In fact, sometimes it looks more like tough love than self-doting!

While there’s nothing wrong with taking time to slow down, pamper ourselves and enjoy life, our society has somehow expanded this to mean that self-care means self-indulging–even when it’s at our long term detriment– as long as it makes us feel good in the moment.

But what good does it do to make us feel “better” now, if we’ll pay an even higher price later on? In reality, caring for our self involves seeing the bigger picture and caring for our whole self- both in the short-term and the long-term.

Self-care is often doing the things you don’t want to do, and not doing the things you do want to do! 

When I was in grad school, I would ramp up to each semester break by researching the books for my upcoming classes and have them ordered and delivered by the end of the current semester.  Then I’d knock out a book during the break.

One day a professor overheard me talking about this with a classmate and chided me for it. “You’ve got a heavy course load here. You need your breaks for self-care in between semesters!”  What he didn’t understand was that this was self-care.

The funny thing about self-care is that it’s self-determined and is different for everyone. While what would have been added stress for my professor was self-care for me. I knew that while I could spend my weeks resting (I did plenty of that too!) what really served me best was to do less school-work than normal, while reading at a lighter pace, to make the upcoming semester a little less heavy. I was able to enjoy what I was reading and digest it as though drinking from a sprinkler, rather than gulping it from a fire hose!

When we have a bad day (or week!) it’s easy to drown our sorrows in a pint of ice cream to make everything feel better in the moment.  But failing to care for ourselves in this way leads us to feel even more negative emotion later-when we feel nauseous, bloated and are full of regret.

So how do you incorporate a “self-care” routine that works for you?

1. Start with a check-up

Consider the areas of your life where you’re currently feeling the most stressed. Is it the start of the day? Meal-time? Weekends? Perhaps your family is all at home together 24/7 and by the end of the week, everyone is on their last nerve. Perhaps the Holidays produce an immense amount of stress each year, and feel like more hassle than joy.

2. Assess your basic needs

When you were running at your “best,” how were things different?  Maybe you were able to start your day off with a run, or you had some quiet time where you were all alone with your thoughts. Perhaps you constrained your spending and set money aside each month throughout the year, rather than feeling such a crunch at the end of the year.

Don’t overlook the tough-love self-love!

Are there things you know would be helpful for your overall well-being that you’re neglecting or avoiding? When we’re sick, we gravitate toward comfort food, despite the fact that what our body most needs is foods rich in vitamins and nutrients! Being the “adult” and forcing yourself to do what you need rather than what you want is likely the best form of self-love you can show yourself. Assess what you truly need rather than what you want.

3. Find a way to bring balance back-even if just in bite-sized pieces

If you recognize that you need to be home alone once in a while, see if you can come up with a plan to get everyone out of the house for a weekly outing.  Maybe your husband would be willing to take the kids for a walk, or you could designate a “quiet hour” where everyone heads to their rooms for one hour each week (or 15 minutes each night) so that you can enjoy sitting in the living room alone and uninterrupted!

Think outside the box!

If you knew there was a way to bring more balance to your life or reduce your stress, what would you try? Brainstorm a list of ideas. They may be some things that you’ve tried in the past, and some things you can’t imagine would work. But pick one and apply it to the best of your ability.  Often times small actions DO make a big difference!

One added perk of doing this work? Learning self-restraint (doing what we don’t want & not doing what we do want in the moment) will always pay off in the long run! It’s like resistance training.  Uncomfortable in the moment, this breaking down of muscle. But in time it will build you up stronger than before you started. Learn to think of what you need to be at your best and apply it-even when it means applying tough love in the moment!

With Grit & Grace-

If you’re new to Rise Coaching, welcome!  Take a look around and download my free tool to help you begin this work of managing your mind to help you create the life you were created for.  If you’re wondering if coaching could be that missing piece to help you reach your goals, click here to schedule a free consultation with me.

The post Self-Care as Tough Love appeared first on Rise Coaching.

What we have grows in crisis.

This is why great marriages get stronger during the death of a child, whereas fractured marriages end.

When things are going great in our life, we pay little attention to our thinking…because there’s no reason to change our thoughts or feelings.

But crisis startles the brain, making it on high-alert for any signs of danger.

This helps us regain a sense of security and control.

We watch the news nonstop. We comb social media and the internet for the latest information (even if it isn’t factual!).

This makes us human.

And it is NOT helpful.

The more we look for evidence that reason exists to be afraid, the more we find it (and ignore anything that shows the opposite is true).

Crisis gives us an opportunity and a choice.

A chance to get quiet. To turn inward. And upward.

To see and hear what we may otherwise drown out.

It’s the best time to align your spirit with God’s.

To pray and meditate and journal what He’s saying and where He’s leading.

We gain clarity about what exactly is causing suffering in our life & world, and what He wants us to do about it.

Our circumstances and our thoughts about them are NOT the same things.

Our thoughts are not like God’s thoughts, and our ways are not His ways.

People often say, “I can’t handle one more thing.”

We’ve somehow gotten the idea that we have an infinite ability to thrive, but a limited ability to withstand emotional pain or suffering.

The truth is that with God, we have an infinite capacity not only for suffering but also for resilience, strength, and redemption that God can provide through crisis.

I know you’re tired, friends.  There’s an abundance of pain all around us today.

But there’s also hope and strength and resilience.

And a Father who loves you and wants to grow His relationship with you and teach you something in the midst of it all.

Rising Soul is a monthly membership of Christian women, intentionally living the abundant life we were created for. Each month, we take a deep dive into a new topic, learning from Scripture & neuroscience, and then applying it to our life! 

Click here to learn more and join the waitlist so you don’t miss out when doors reopen next quarter!

The post When You “Can’t Take One More Thing” appeared first on Rise Coaching.

Even before the world so suddenly changed, we’ve all experienced times when we’re stretched to thin; when we feel all dried up with nothing left to pour out. The longer we ignore our need for a refill, the more exhausted we get. And it doesn’t take long to realize that what we’re doing simply isn’t working.

So how do we refill when when our cup runs dry? Unfortunately, there’s no magic (or caffeine!) bullet that will recharge us all alike. You’ll need to experiment to find the right recipe to complement your life.

1. Start with a check up on your spiritual disciplines.

When times get tough, we often short change or skip altogether the things we need most.  Carve out some time first thing each day to rest in our Provider. Waking just 15 minutes earlier and presetting your coffee pot so it’s ready when you are can make a huge difference throughout your day. Spend a few minutes in prayer inviting Him into your day, read a chapter of scripture, and end by sitting in silence with Him, aware of His leading. Try to leave room for silence throughout your day too-even if just in your car- so you can continue where you left off. I used to think “pray without ceasing” was an impossible suggestion.  Now I know this just means being in constant connection with the Spirit throughout the day.  In a world where we’re bombarded with news and negative information, we’d do much better to be silent with the one who’s not surprised by what’s happening around us, and who can provide peace that lasts.

2. Assess your basic needs

We all have a different base-level of needs in order to fully function. Take some time to clarify what those are for you.  Personally I know I need time with Jesus (and coffee!) each morning, physical activity at least 3 times a week, and a night of quality time with my husband. I also know that working a few long days in order to carve out time for myself to read, write or talk with friends on the weekend is worth it and helps me enter each week recharged and ready to go again.

If it’s been so long since you’ve met your needs that you’re not sure where to start, think back to a time in your life when you felt your best.  What was different then? In what ways were you filling your cup? Start by adding just one of those things back into your week and then build from there.

3. End your day grateful

When we’re tired and empty, it’s easy to focus on what’s not working. When we’re worn out and worn down, the cognitive bias we all exhibit searches for evidence of how this is true. But by ending your day thanking God for all your blessings and things that went well that day, you’re more likely to increase your awareness of the positive tomorrow as well. An added bonus? Studies have shown that those who include gratitude in their daily routines are up to twenty times more likely to achieve goals they set than those who don’t. And when we’re all running on empty, we’ll take any help we can get!

With Grit & Grace,

If you’re feeling like you’ve lost your perk or need help recharging, join us in the Rising Soul monthly membership where we deep dive into the place where Scripture & neuroscience join.  We’re a group of women who are intentional about living the abundant life we were created for. 

Click here to learn more and join the wait list so you don’t miss out when doors reopen next!

The post How to Refill When Your Cup Runs Dry appeared first on Rise Coaching.