We’ve arrived. We’re wrapping up a 6-part series, teaching the model (see below) that I use when coaching clients. Today we’re focusing on your Result (the “R-line” of the model ). You’ve now seen how our thoughts create our feelings, actions, and results. And because these things are all connected to and stem from your thoughts, the current results you’re experiencing in your life are a reflection on your thought life.
Before you search for my email address to send me hate mail, let me add: this is not meant to place blame, and of course doesn’t take into account things which have happened in your life that are completely out of your control! That tree laying on your house from yesterday’s tornado couldn’t have been prevented by the best of thinking, right? And yet, I’m reminded of a story…
My husband and I just celebrated our 10-year Anniversary. We met in a rather unlikely place…a grief camp for kids. He’d brought his then 11 year-old son following the deaths of his daughter & wife, and I was there with my then 6 year-old daughter following the death of her Dad. Fast forward three years, to when we returned to camp as husband & wife and volunteer camp counselors! We gathered the night before the campers arrived and all 30 of us were asked to share our stories of loss. I remember listening in awe to some, wondering “How in the world are you still standing?” One woman was was the sole survivor in a car wreck where both parents and both siblings were all killed. Another man shared his story of losing his wife, adult son, and grandchild all within a 9-month period. The human soul is miraculously resilient.
Why are some people more resilient than others? So how is it that some people can handle all this and go on to be grateful and joyful humans, while others crumble when going through things that would leave others unfazed? Of course there are many answers to this question: DNA, the environment we’re raised in, the coping skills we are taught… but the greatest indicator of our thoughts will always be the results we currently have in our life. Our thoughts about our life circumstances (yes-even the ones we can’t control) determine our reaction to them. Thoughts cause feelings, which drive our actions (including reactions and inaction), which create our results.
Just as physical health is strengthened by resistance training, mental health is strengthened by resilience training. The work I do as Life Coach is similar to that of a private trainer. We can all use a little focused help at times, and it stands to reason that we would need assistance when it comes to training the most complex organ in the body!
Change your thinking to change your result -OR- Decide that your current thoughts (& feelings) are exactly what you need right nowWhen going through rough times, we often aren’t allowed the time, space and support we need to fully feel and process our emotions. We’re told by friends, family, and society what we should think about our circumstance, how to feel, what to do, and even how much time is “appropriate” to process what’s happened. So we learn how to deny our thoughts. To suppress our feelings. To “disconnect” from ourselves (even to the point of dissociation). None of these actions aid healing. To the contrary, they delay growth and lead to results we’d give anything to avoid (like prolonging the pain or discomfort!). But let’s face it: we don’t always want to feel “good” about our circumstances. If I do something against my morals, the thought “I shouldn’t have done that” will create a feeling of guilt, which ensures I don’t repeat the action in the future. If someone hurts my child, the mama bear in me wants to feel anger. Taking our thoughts captive is empowering because it allows us to see a way out of the discomfort. We must see this before we can decide whether our thoughts are serving us or producing the results we want. This may mean we decide to change our thinking, but often times it does not! It sometimes takes a full excavation of thoughts before we have the full picture of what’s happening for us, but three questions can help. Important things to consider when deciding to keep/change the thought:
- Does this thought (and therefore feeling, action and result) align with your morals and values?
- Is this thought serving you? In other words, is the thought (and therefore F, A, and R) creating the result you want in your life?
- Do you like your reason for keeping it?
The human brain has the capacity to heal itself and the body, but God created humans with a brain unlike any other creature. The only species that can think about what we think about, we have an innate ability to grow spiritually and mentally, but also to develop self discipline so we can live the abundant life we were created for!
Not sure how to apply this to your own life? Why not do a mini session with me?
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