The Uninspired Mind

You know that feeling when everything in your life is fine, but something still feels off? You know what you should be doing, but you just don’t feel like it. You’re not necessarily unhappy—you’re just not excited about anything.

Maybe you’ve got a craft room that’s packed full of supplies, but the motivation to create something just isn’t there. Maybe you’re in a season of transition, like leaving a job, and you’re unsure what’s next. Or perhaps, like one client I recently spoke with, life is going well, yet you still feel a strange lack of inspiration.

Feeling uninspired is more common than we realize, and it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It simply means your mind, body, and spirit are signaling for something new. The good news? Inspiration isn’t something we have to wait for—it’s something we can cultivate.

In this post, we’ll explore why we feel inspired, why we sometimes don’t, and—most importantly—how to reignite that spark when it feels like it’s gone missing.

What Inspires Us

Inspiration isn’t random—it’s a psychological and neurological process that lights up specific areas of the brain. When we feel inspired, we experience a surge of dopamine, the neurotransmitter associated with motivation, pleasure, and goal-directed behavior. This is why inspiration often brings a sense of excitement, clarity, and purpose.

The Science of Inspiration

Research in psychology suggests that inspiration has three key components:

1. Evocation – Inspiration is often sparked by something external—a conversation, a story, an experience, or even a simple shift in perspective.
2. Transcendence – We’re lifted beyond our current limitations, allowing us to see new possibilities and dream bigger.
3. Motivation to Act – True inspiration doesn’t just stay in our minds; it propels us forward, making us want to create, grow, or pursue something meaningful.

What Sparks Inspiration?

People often feel inspired when they experience:

• Novelty – New surroundings, ideas, or experiences can refresh our thinking.
• Purpose – Feeling connected to something bigger than ourselves fuels long-term inspiration.
• Creativity – Engaging in creative activities (even if they aren’t related to our goals) can awaken inspiration in other areas of life.
• Resonance – Witnessing someone else’s journey, hearing a powerful message, or reading something that deeply aligns with us can spark inspiration in an instant.

Understanding how inspiration works is key to cultivating it on demand instead of waiting for it to show up. Next, we’ll explore why inspiration sometimes fades—and what to do about it.

Why We Feel Uninspired

We are created in the image of a creative God, designed to dream, build, and bring new ideas to life. So why do we sometimes feel like inspiration is completely out of reach? This lackluster mood can make us question ourselves. Do I have anything meaningful to offer? Is my life really this boring? Why do I feel so stuck? The truth is inspiration isn’t something we either “have” or “don’t have”—it’s something that can be nurtured and reignited. Often, the reason we feel uninspired isn’t random; it’s a sign that something deeper needs our attention.

Common Causes of Feeling Uninspired

🔹 Routine & Predictability – When life becomes repetitive, our brains go on autopilot. Without new stimuli, there’s nothing to spark fresh ideas or excitement.

🔹 Mental Overload & Stress – If your mind is cluttered with to-do lists, responsibilities, or worries, there’s little room for creativity and inspiration to flourish.

🔹 Lack of Rest or Play – Constant productivity without moments of joy, playfulness, or rest can drain us. Inspiration often emerges in moments of stillness or fun, not just in hard work.

🔹 Disconnection from Purpose – When we lose sight of why we’re doing something, motivation dwindles. A sense of purpose fuels long-term inspiration.

🔹 Fear & Self-Doubt – Sometimes, we want to take action, but a deeper fear holds us back—fear of failure, judgment, or not being good enough.

🔹 Comparison & Perfectionism – Scrolling through social media or constantly measuring ourselves against others can leave us feeling unmotivated and discouraged rather than inspired.

How to Recognize When You’re in an ‘Uninspired Rut’

Feeling uninspired isn’t always obvious. Here are a few signs that you might be stuck:

✔️ You feel restless but aren’t sure what you want.
✔️ You procrastinate on things you know you want to do.
✔️ You feel like you’re just “going through the motions.”
✔️ You keep waiting for motivation to strike, but it never comes.

The good news? Inspiration isn’t lost forever—it just needs a reset. Next, we’ll explore how to reignite that spark and get back into a flow of creativity, motivation, and purpose.

How to Reignite Inspiration

Feeling uninspired doesn’t mean you’ve lost your creativity or passion—it just means you need a spark. Inspiration thrives when we intentionally create space for it, and it often expands after just one tiny spark! Here are practical ways to ignite that flame.

1. Change Your Environment

A simple shift in surroundings can work wonders.

🔹 Get outside – Or if you’re in a cold climate like me, LOOK outside or bring the outdoors in. Nature naturally awakens creativity and curiosity. A walk in the fresh air, a sunrise, or even the sound of birds can stir something new within you.
🔹 Switch up your workspace – Rearranging your desk, adding fresh flowers, or even working from a coffee shop can bring a fresh perspective.
🔹 Take a break from screens – Digital overload dulls creativity. Unplug for a bit and allow your mind to breathe.

2. Seek Out New Experiences

Inspiration often comes from the unexpected. If you’re feeling stagnant, introduce something new into your routine.

🔹 Try a new hobby – Painting, cooking a new recipe, or even learning a dance move can spark joy. Even flipping through magazines or books that showcase hobbies can create fresh excitement and ideas.
🔹 Read or listen to something outside your norm – Pick up a book in a different genre, listen to a thought-provoking podcast, or watch a documentary on a topic you know nothing about.
🔹 Take a short trip – Even a weekend getaway or exploring a nearby town can shift your mindset. Applied in the simplest way, I sometimes step away from my work to walk our pups around the block, or to just go watch them romp in the backyard together, before jumping back in.

3. Connect with Others

Sometimes, we need people to reignite our fire.

🔹 Have a deep conversation – Talking with someone who inspires you can bring fresh insight.
🔹 Join a group or community – Surrounding yourself with creative, motivated people naturally pulls you out of a rut.
🔹 Serve others – Volunteering or simply helping a friend can shift your focus and bring renewed energy. A balanced life includes pouring out as well as being poured into. That flow of energy and focus can refill and inspire us when we need it most.

4. Revisit Your “Why”

Lack of inspiration often comes from losing sight of what drives us. There’s neuroscience behind taking intentional time to think about what you want and why you want it. Unlike the popular secular “law of attraction” which implies a magically-woo formula for getting what you want, science shows that focusing our brain on what we want and why, as well as visualizing that process is like mentally rehearsing the outcome. When we set our intentions, the brain more easily recalls our goals and driving motivators when we’re faced with related options throughout the day.

🔹 Ask yourself: Why did I start this? What impact do I want to make? Why is this something I’m (still) choosing to pursue?
🔹 Look back at past successes – Remind yourself of times you did feel inspired and what fueled that passion.
🔹 Pray and reflect – Spending time in prayer, journaling, or meditating on scripture can help realign your heart with God’s purpose for you.

5. Take Small, Imperfect Action

Inspiration doesn’t always come before action—often, it follows it.

🔹 Start small – If you’re waiting to feel motivated before taking action, flip the script. Do something tiny to build momentum.
🔹 Don’t wait for perfection – The first step doesn’t need to be flawless; it just needs to happen. I once heard that famous author Stephen King attributes his success and number of best-sellers to his self-enforced rule that he must write 1000 words per day. That’s any thousand words; not the “best” or the “right” ones. King knows that often just that first action is all it takes to breathe life into the inspiration needed to continue.  
🔹 Celebrate progress – Acknowledge even the smallest wins to keep motivation going.

There’s a caveat to this step! Focusing only on actions will only lead to short-term success. Why? Because actions don’t cause feelings; our thoughts about our actions do! So, take the small steps, but then reflect on that action in a way that inspires you forward. (If I did that, what else is possible?!”)

6. Prioritize Rest & Play

Inspiration flourishes when we’re refreshed.

🔹 Give yourself permission to rest – Burnout kills creativity. Take time to recharge without guilt. If you’re resting while thinking you should be doing something else, you steal from yourself and the process.
🔹 Do something fun—just for the sake of it – Play a game, laugh with a friend, or dance in your kitchen. Doodle while watching a favorite show. Joy fuels inspiration.
🔹 Practice gratitude – Noticing the good in your life shifts your mindset and makes space for new ideas.

7. Ask God for Fresh Vision

As the ultimate Creator, God is the source of all inspiration.

🔹 Ask for guidance – Pray for fresh vision and trust that inspiration will come in the right time.
🔹 Read scripture for encouragement – Verses like Isaiah 43:19 (“See, I am doing a new thing!”) remind us that God is always at work, even when we feel stuck. Here again, simply reading or saying something to yourself (both actions) will only produce short term benefits unless you believe them. (Ultimately, our thoughts are what create our emotions.)
🔹 Surrender the pressure – You don’t have to force inspiration. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is let go and trust the process.

Creating an Inspiration Vault

When inspiration feels distant, it can help to have a system in place to rekindle it. Your Inspiration Vault acts as a safety net, ensuring you always have a well of motivation to draw from when you need it most.

• A “Wins” Journal – Keep a notebook or digital document with small and big accomplishments, breakthroughs, and moments of joy. This might include emails/notes from others who have been inspired by your work, words, or example.
• A Playlist of Motivational Songs, quotes, etc. – Music and powerful messages can instantly shift your mindset.
• A “Lightbulb” List or “Swipe File”– A running list of ideas, even half-formed ones, to revisit when you need a spark. Collect examples, clippings, etc. of work, art, or ideas that excite you—whether it’s design, writing, or business ideas.
• Vision Board – Whether in a Pinterest board, scrapbook, or a poster board on your wall, make a visual collection of words, phrases, and pictures of meaningful experiences, achievements, or places that make you feel alive.
• An “Energy List” – A list of activities, places, or people that energize and inspire you. When feeling stuck, choose something from the list.

Reigniting inspiration isn’t about waiting for a magical burst of energy—it’s about creating space for it to grow. The more we intentionally invite inspiration into our lives, the more naturally it flows.

Bringing Inspiration Back: Key Takeaways & Next Steps

Inspiration isn’t something we either have or don’t have—it’s something we cultivate. Feeling uninspired doesn’t mean you’re stuck forever or that you lack purpose. It simply signals that something needs attention, whether it’s your mindset, your environment, or your connection to what truly fuels you.

Key Takeaways to Reignite Inspiration:

✅ Recognize that inspiration isn’t lost—it just needs nurturing. You were designed to create, dream, and build. Feeling uninspired is temporary.
✅ Change your environment and seek new experiences. A fresh perspective often comes from stepping outside of routine.
✅ Surround yourself with inspiring people. Conversations, community, and service can spark new motivation.
✅ Revisit your “why.” Reflect on what excites you, what God has placed in your heart, and the impact you want to make.
✅ Take small, imperfect action. You don’t need to wait for inspiration—sometimes, doing is what brings it back.
✅ Prioritize rest, play, and gratitude. A well-rested mind and a joyful spirit naturally open the door to creativity.
✅ Ask God for fresh vision. He is the ultimate source of inspiration, always leading us toward new growth.

Take a moment right now to reflect—what’s one small thing you can do today to invite inspiration back into your life? Maybe it’s stepping outside, reconnecting with a friend, or journaling about your dreams. Whatever it is, take that step. Inspiration follows action.

Ready to Bring Inspiration Back Into Your Life?

You don’t have to stay stuck in a season of feeling uninspired. With small, intentional shifts, you can reignite your creativity, motivation, and sense of purpose. If you’re ready to take the next step, here’s how I can help:

🔹 Get my free guide: The Intentional Mind Daily Planner – A powerful tool to help you anchor your thoughts, cultivate inspiration, and move forward with clarity. Download it here!

🔹 Work with me one-on-one – If you’re looking for deeper guidance in this season, I offer coaching to help you gain clarity, manage your emotions, and create an intentional, joy-filled life. Let’s connect!

No matter where you are right now, remember this: you were created to live with purpose. Inspiration isn’t something you have to chase—it’s something you can create. Take the first step today. ❤️🙏🏼🧠

The post Feeling Uninspired? Here’s Why It Happens and How to Get Your Spark Back appeared first on Rise Coaching.

For More Than Just Romance

Valentine’s Day. For some, it’s a time of romantic dinners, flowers, and handwritten love notes. But for others, it’s a day that can feel lonely, disappointing, or even unnecessary. If you’re not in a relationship, it might seem like a holiday meant for someone else—something to ignore or just get through.

But what if Valentine’s Day wasn’t just about romance? What if, instead, we saw it as an opportunity to spread love to everyone we encounter—friends, family, people from our past, and even strangers?

In a world where so many feel unseen or unappreciated, love is needed now more than ever. And the good news? You don’t need to be married or in a romantic relationship to give or receive it.

This year, let’s rethink Valentine’s Day. Let’s turn it into a weekend of intentional love—where we make the world a little brighter, one small act at a time. Whether you’re single, married, or somewhere in between, you have the power to make a difference in someone’s day.

Why Our World Needs More Love

Let’s be honest—there’s a lot of division, unkindness, and even outright hostility in the world right now. Scroll through the news or social media for just a few minutes, and you’ll see arguments, criticism, and people talking past each other instead of listening. It’s easy to feel discouraged, to wonder if kindness and connection are becoming rare.

But here’s the thing: Love hasn’t disappeared. It’s still here, in everyday moments—the stranger who holds the door open, the friend who sends a “just thinking of you” text, the teacher who goes the extra mile to encourage a struggling student. Love is still present—we just have to be intentional about spreading it.

That’s why expanding Valentine’s Day beyond romantic love matters. What if we used this weekend as an opportunity to counteract the negativity we see? To choose kindness over cynicism, connection over isolation, and love over indifference?

A simple act of love, no matter how small, can be a ripple effect of goodness. And when more of us choose to spread love intentionally, it shifts the atmosphere around us.

So, let’s take this Valentine’s Day weekend and turn it into something bigger—a chance to be the kind of love the world so desperately needs. 💛

Extending Valentine’s Beyond One Day & “The One”

A single day is hardly enough to celebrate love in all its forms. Instead of limiting Valentine’s Day to one evening or one person, what if we turned it into a whole weekend of intentional love? Not just for our partners or close friends, but also for those who shaped us—the people from our past who left a mark on our lives.

Think about the teachers, mentors, neighbors, or old friends who encouraged you when you needed it most. Maybe it was a childhood piano teacher who saw your potential, a college professor who believed in you, or a boss who gave you a chance when no one else would. There have been several of these examples who I’ve tracked down and reached out to over the years, and all of them were received with open arms and a grateful hearts. I was surprised that these people all remembered me (even decades later!) and it was as enjoyable for me sharing the memories and gratitude as it was for them to hear it.

Love isn’t just about romance—it’s about acknowledging the people who helped us become who we are today. Taking a moment to express gratitude not only brightens their day, but it deepens our own sense of love and connection.

Ideas for Everyday Love in Action:

Thankfully kindness costs us nothing, and isn’t difficult to express. Here are just a handful of ideas to get you started:

💛 Genuine Compliments and appreciation – Tell the barista how much you love their energy. Send a note to a mentor from your past or create a tag them in a social media post, sharing what a difference they made.

💛 Unhurried Conversations – Take an extra moment to ask, “How’s your day going?”—and really listen to the answer. Shoot a text to a friend to let them know you’re thinking of them and check in on what’s going on in their life.

💛 Unexpected Generosity – Leave a generous tip. Pay for the person behind you in line. Bring coffee to a coworker who could use a pick-me-up.

💛 Handwritten Notes – A simple sticky note on a colleague’s desk or a funny note on that coffee you bring them…the little gestures can make a bigger impact than we realize.

💛 Eye Contact & Smiles – It sounds so small, but in a world where many feel unseen, simply acknowledging someone with warmth can be a powerful. And when we go beyond just flashing a smile, but sharing a genuine smile (that goes all the way t your eyes) people feel connection and truly seen.

Love isn’t just about grand gestures or carefully planned surprises. Sometimes, the smallest moments—a kind word, a warm smile, an unexpected act of generosity—can create ripples far beyond what we see. We increase the chance that those we impact will go on to impact those who they come into contact with as well…and on and on.

Imagine if, just for this weekend, we made it our goal to actively spread love everywhere we go. Not in dramatic ways, but in simple, intentional moments that remind people that they matter.

Carrying the Spirit of Love Beyond the Weekend

Valentine’s Day weekend may come and go, but the opportunity to spread love doesn’t’ need to be limited to February 14th. Imagine what our communities, families, and friendships would look like if we made loving others a daily habit rather than a once-a-year occasion. The kindness you show this weekend—whether through heartfelt messages, small acts of generosity, or simply offering a warm smile—has the potential to ripple out in ways you may never see.

But why stop at just one weekend? What if we made a habit of appreciating the people in our lives, reaching out to those who have shaped us, and extending kindness to strangers as part of our daily lives? Love isn’t confined to a holiday—it’s a mindset, a way of living, and a reflection of who we are.

Your Next Step

Here’s one last Valentine’s gift—imagine I’ve tucked it into a little heart-shaped box just for you. (Sorry that I couldn’t include some chocolate too!) It’s impossible to give love to others without feeling it yourself. Love is a two-way street, and the more you share it, the more loving you become in the process.

Maybe this weekend will be the spark you need to keep the love flowing beyond Valentine’s Day and weekend. The world is full of people who need a little extra kindness, and your intentional acts can create ripples that continue long after the holiday has passed. So, let’s make it a habit to choose love every day—not just for the ones we hold dear, but for everyone we encounter. Drop me a note and share what you’re putting into practice today and beyond!

The post Rethinking Valentines Day: More Than Just Romance appeared first on Rise Coaching.

The Hidden Cost of Always Being the Strong One

As a therapist, I’m used to people coming to me when they’re hurting and I’m happy to be there for them. But when one of my adult children was recently diagnosed with a condition that completely changed the way I saw our future, it has been devastating and at times, isolating. I suddenly found myself on the other side of the calls and texts I was used to being part of.

At first, I told only close family members and said nothing to friends. But carrying something that heavy takes its toll, and his diagnosis caused interruptions in my life to the point where I felt I needed to offer some explanation for my distance (both physically and mentally) to friends as well. As I started opening up, my shared bits and pieces were met with a wide range of responses. Some surprised me with hurtful comments, but most overwhelmed me with their compassion and support. 

As his illness brings its cycles of chaos and calm, I’m still learning how to navigate. There are times I’ve declined invites without sharing the raw emotions keeping me secluded, and other times I know I’ve overshared, feeling overwhelmed and helpless to his disease. There are friends I lean on so heavily that I have to intentionally weigh how often I share my struggles, making sure to ask about details in their lives. I appreciate them beyond words and want to show up for them, too.

This experience has opened my eyes to a struggle so many of us face: when and how to share what we’re going through, and how to create friendships that feel mutual rather than one-sided.

Maybe you’ve been in this place too—unsure of how much to share, afraid of burdening others, or realizing a friendship has started to feel lopsided. Or maybe you’re on the other side of the coin—someone who leans on your friends often but hasn’t thought much about how that dynamic might feel for them.

Wherever you find yourself, this is a nuanced topic, so let’s explore how we can navigate this well, honoring both our need for support and the importance of reciprocity in our friendship. In this post, we’ll explore: 

☑️ The hidden cost of always being the strong one

☑️ Why asking for help doesn’t make you weak

☑️ How emotional imbalance strains friendships

☑️  Practical steps to open up and strengthen your relationships

Being the strong one in your friendships may feel like an honor at first. You’re the go-to person, the one who others rely on for support. But over time, this role comes with hidden costs that affect both you and your relationships.

The Unspoken Imbalance

Being an emotional rock for others can feel fulfilling and purposeful. But if you never share your own struggles, your friends might start to think they’re the only one who ever needs support. They might also feel like they can’t relate to you on a deeper level because your life seems so perfect compared to theirs. Meanwhile, you might start feeling resentful or taken for granted when people stop asking how you’re doing. Both aspects of this imbalance can create distance over time, often without either person realizing what’s causing it.

The Pressure to Keep Up Appearances

If you’ve built a reputation as the one who “has it all together,” the idea of opening up can feel uncomfortable—even risky. You might worry that being vulnerable will change how others see you, or that they won’t know how to respond. In reality, it’s this very image that can create distance in the friendship. When your friends only see the “strong” you, they might start to assume everything’s great in your life—leaving you to silently carry the weight of your own problems as they stop asking about your life. Over time, you may begin to feel inauthentic, as if you’ve given a false impression that your life is perfect when it’s not. This pressure to maintain an image of strength can make it even harder to reach out when you genuinely need support.

Missed Opportunities for True Connection

The strongest friendships are built on shared vulnerability and support. If you never allow yourself to be vulnerable, your friends might feel like they can’t relate to you on a deeper level. It’s also worth pointing out that difficult times are often when our true spirit—our priorities, values, and character—shine through. By sharing your struggles, you invite deeper, more meaningful relationships—ones where you are valued not just for what you give, but for who you are.

Why We Struggle to Ask for Support

Revisiting a conversation is a sign of growth—especially when taking responsibility for your side of the conversation. Being So, if being vulnerable and asking for help strengthens relationships, why is it so hard to do? The truth is, many of us have internalized beliefs that make it feel uncomfortable—even unsafe—to rely on others.

1. Fear of Being a Burden

One of the biggest reasons people hesitate to share their struggles is the worry that they’ll be too much for others. You might think, They have their own problems—I don’t want to add mine. But true friendships aren’t about keeping score; they’re about mutual care and support.

2. Conditioning from Childhood or Past Experiences

Many of our beliefs about asking for help come from how we were raised. If you grew up in an environment where emotions were downplayed, or you were praised for being independent, you may have learned that relying on others is a sign of weakness. Similarly, if you’ve opened up before and been met with indifference or rejection, you may hesitate to try again.

3. The “Strong Friend” Identity

When you’re used to being the one others lean on, it can feel disorienting to reverse roles. You might think, If I’m not the rock, then who am I? Over time, this identity can become a trap, making it harder to express your own struggles without feeling like you’re letting others down.

4. Perfectionism and the Need for Control

For some, asking for help feels like admitting failure. If you take pride in being self-sufficient, opening up about your struggles might feel like you’re losing control. It’s easy to view our friends’ vulnerability as a sign of trust, yet see our own as weakness!

5. Fear of Rejection or Judgment

What if you open up to them and they don’t “show up” for you? What if they disappoint you or seem uncomfortable? These fears are valid, but they also rob others from the opportunity to show up with genuine compassion and maybe even some insight that you’ve been looking for. Further more-it robs you both of a deeper connection going forward!

The Truth: You Don’t Have to Carry It Alone

Breaking these patterns takes time, but the first step is recognizing that your needs matter just as much as anyone else’s. True friendship isn’t about always being strong—it’s about being real.

How This Creates Distance in Friendships

When you always play the role of the strong one, you may think you’re protecting your friendships. In reality, this pattern can create an invisible barrier between you and the people who care about you. Here’s how:

1. Friends May Assume You Don’t Need Them

If you never open up about your struggles, your friends may assume you’re doing just fine. They might even feel like they’re the ones who always need support, while you’re the one who has it all together. This can make them hesitant to reach out, unintentionally leaving you feeling isolated.

2. It Can Create Resentment (Even If Unintended)

While you may take pride in being the reliable one, constantly carrying the emotional load can be exhausting. Over time, you might start feeling unappreciated or even resentful—wondering why no one checks in on you. The problem isn’t that your friends don’t care; it’s that they don’t know you need them, because you’ve never given them the chance.

3. Deep Connection Requires Vulnerability

The most meaningful friendships are strengthened in the moments when we let others see us in our struggles and when we have relatively equal opportunity to support others as well. When we’re forever supporting but never leaning, your friends may feel like they don’t really know you in the same way you know them. This can make the friendship feel surface-level, even if they care deeply about you. Over time, this can create emotional distance, never reaching the depth that lasting relationships require. 

The Power of Vulnerability: Why Letting Others In Matters

True connection isn’t built on strength alone—it thrives on mutual trust, support, and authenticity. When you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you deepen your friendships in powerful ways:

• Mutual Support Strengthens Bonds – The most meaningful friendships have a natural give-and-take. Letting others support you, just as you support them, creates a more balanced and fulfilling connection. This includes sharing your successes with friends too, which can feel equally vulnerable!
• Being Seen Builds Trust – People feel closest to those who have seen all sides of them. Sharing your struggles invites deeper emotional connection and turns casual friendships into lifelong bonds.
• It Allows Others to Feel Useful Too – Just as you feel valued when helping a friend, they also want to be there for you. Opening up gives them the chance to show up in the same way, strengthening your relationship.

By letting others in, you create space for genuine, lasting friendships—ones where you’re valued not just for what you give, but for who you truly are.H3. Invite Dialogue and Connection

How to Change The Pattern

Letting others in doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing approach. You can begin by taking small steps to open up and allow others to support you. Here are a few ways to do it:

1. Start Small and Practice Vulnerability Gradually

You don’t have to spill your deepest secrets all at once. Start with smaller things—share how you’re feeling about a current challenge or ask for help with something practical. Over time, these small acts of vulnerability will strengthen your friendships.

2. Share Your Needs and Desires

Don’t assume people know what you need. Be honest about your desires and what you’d like in terms of support. Whether it’s emotional encouragement or just someone to listen, let your friends know how they can show up for you.

3. Reframe Vulnerability as an Opportunity for Connection

Rather than seeing asking for support as a burden, reframe it as an opportunity to deepen your friendships. Remember, they likely want to support you, just as you’ve supported them in the past.

4. Don’t Be Afraid to Lean on Others

Sometimes, we hesitate to reach out because we fear rejection. But chances are, your friends want to be there for you, just as you’re there for them. Allowing yourself to lean on others is a way to honor the strength in your relationships.

5. Recognize That You Don’t Have to Do Everything Alone

It’s okay to not have everything figured out. Life can be overwhelming, and asking for help doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human. Embrace the vulnerability that comes with leaning on those you trust.

Wrap up and Application

One final thought—The Flip Side of the Coin

I want to briefly acknowledge that you may actually be on the opposite side of this coin. If you’ve come to recognize the value of getting support from others, and easily share your problems with friends, I hope this blog offers some insight on how to evaluate whether an imbalance may be harming your friendships. You’re ahead of the game with vulnerability in friendships but be sure you’re also showing up for your friends—not just as someone who needs them, but as someone who values them and who cares deeply about their experiences too.

You may have spent years believing your role was to be the strong one—the steady, reliable friend who always gives support but rarely receives it. But true friendships thrive on mutual trust and openness. Letting others in isn’t a burden; it’s a gift that deepens connection and allows both of you to feel truly seen.

What would it look like to share just a little more of the hard parts of your life with friends?

The next time you’re tempted to carry something alone, pause. Take a deep breath, reach out, and let someone be there for you. Because you deserve the same support you so freely give—and your friendships will be stronger because of it.

Share & Start the Conversation

IIf this post resonated with you, chances are you’re not alone. Maybe you have a friend who always shows up for others but struggles to ask for support. Or maybe you’ve realized you are that friend.

Take a simple but powerful first step: share this post with a friend. Let it be the start of an honest conversation about what it means to truly support each other.

And if you’re ready to break this cycle and start building deeper, more balanced friendships, I’d love to hear from you! Connect with me here You’re not meant to do life alone. 

The post Letting Others In: Why Always Being the Strong One Pushes Friends Away appeared first on Rise Coaching.

Wishing you’d said something different?

Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling uneasy, replaying it over & over in your mind? Maybe you said something you didn’t mean, froze up, or just didn’t come across the way you wanted to. Maybe you held back some of your thoughts or feelings out of fear of the other person’s reaction, leaving you feeling dishonest or guilty. Now you’re stuck with that lingering regret, thinking, I should have said this instead.

Here’s the good news: It’s not too late.

At the risk of stating the obvious, I can’t tell you how many times clients are surprised when I point this out. It’s easy to get so caught up in regret that we don’t even consider circling back. Revisiting a conversation (when done with vulnerability and a soft start can actually strengthen relationships, bring closure, and help you feel more authentic.

In this post, I’ll walk you through why we get stuck in conversations, how to confidently revisit them, and practical steps to “do-over” in a way that feels respectful and honest.

Why We Get Stuck in Past Conversations

Have you ever noticed that some conversations replay in your mind long after they’ve ended? Or wonder why you got stuck and didn’t say what you meant in the first place? Each scenario has its own culprit.

1. The Brain Loves to Solve Unfinished Business

Your mind is wired to seek out resolution. When a conversation doesn’t go as planned—whether you stayed silent when you wanted to speak up or said something you regret—your brain keeps revisiting it, trying to “fix” what went wrong. This tendency to obsess over incomplete tasks is known as the Zeigarnik Effect, which explains why unresolved situations tend to take up more mental space than those with clear closure.

(🧠Geeky fun fact: Hemingway was said to use the Zeigarnik Effect to his advantage by ending his daily writing mid-sentence, leaving his brain to continue creating while he went on with his evening!)

2. Emotional Reactions Override Logic

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: “When emotions are high; logic is low.” When we’re caught off guard, our nervous system takes over. We might shut down to avoid making things worse or become defensive to “fight off” a perceived attack. It’s often not until later, when our emotions are regulated again, that we’re able to formulate more complete (and honest) thoughts about the situation.

The good news? A past conversation doesn’t have to end there. You can revisit it, clarify your thoughts, and express yourself in a way that better aligns with who you are.

The Power of a Do-Over

Revisiting a conversation is a sign of growth—especially when taking responsibility for your side of the conversation. Being open and vulnerable strengthens relationships rather than weakens them because it shows that you value the relationship enough to risk being transparent about what you were experiencing at the time. We’re used to people telling us what they think. But sharing how we feel tends to be reserved for those we care about. People generally appreciate the vulnerability & sincerity of someone saying, Hey, I didn’t show up the way I meant to there.  Can we revisit that conversation?

There’s one more unexpected outcome of a redo. When others experience you being courageous enough to follow-up and clarify your thoughts, feelings, and actions, you set an example by sending the message that it’s emotionally safe for them to be transparent as well. Healthy communication isn’t about getting it perfect. It’s about being open and honest, even after the fact. The more willing we are to return for honest conversations, the more honest our conversations will become.

The bottom line? You don’t have to be trapped by a past conversation. You have permission to revisit, clarify, and express yourself in a way that’s more vulnerable and honest. In the next section, I’ll walk you through exactly how to do that with confidence.

Practical Steps for a Successful Do-Over

Now that you understand the power of revisiting a conversation, let’s break it down into clear, actionable steps to help you navigate your do-over with confidence.

Before reaching out, take a moment to reflect on what you truly want to say. (Writing it down often helps clarify further!) Ask yourself:

📝 What was I feeling during the original conversation? (Was I afraid of anything?)

📝 What did I not say that I wish I had?

📝 What do I hope to fully convey to help the other person to understand?

This reflection ensures that you approach the conversation with clarity rather than reacting emotionally (possibly again).

If you frequently find yourself feeling unheard or dismissed in conversations, it may be helpful to work on your own emotional resilience and communication skills. You can do this by:

💡 Journaling about your feelings to process them.

💡 Talking to a mentor, therapist, or coach for guidance.

💡Asking for feedback from those whose opinions you value and trust.

How to Revisit a Conversation with Confidence

Bringing up a past conversation can feel intimidating. You might worry that it’ll be awkward, that the other person won’t want to talk again, or that you’ll make things worse. But in reality, most people appreciate honesty and a genuine effort to connect.

The key is to approach the conversation with clarity, vulnerability, and respect. Here’s how:

1. Start by Acknowledging the Timing and Owning Your Initial Reaction

You don’t need a long-winded explanation. Simply acknowledge that some time has passed, and you’d like to revisit it. Then ask if that’s okay. By framing it as a request rather than a demand, you give the other person space to engage and decreases the chances of the other person feeling defensive (which would likely mean repeating the same conversation as the last one!). If they agree, be honest about what happened in the moment, but keep the focus on your response.

✅“Hey, I’ve been thinking about our conversation the other day, and I realized I kind of froze up and didn’t share what was important to me. Would you mind if I shared more openly?”

Sometimes, no matter how well you approach a do-over, the other person is not open to revisiting the conversation. People process things at different speeds. Don’t confuse “not now” with “never.” Honor their response and keep the door open for the future. Pressuring them to engage will only push them further away.

✅ “I understand if you’re not ready. I’m here if you change your mind.”

2. Share Your Feelings, Not Just Your Thoughts

A do-over isn’t just about saying what you wish you’d said—it’s about sharing what was happening internally. This builds understanding and connection.

✅“When we talked, I felt overwhelmed and didn’t know how to respond. But after thinking about it, I realized I actually felt [anxious] because [explain what was going on for you].”

Being emotionally honest helps the other person understand your perspective, rather than just hearing revised words. Increased empathy is like balm in a difficult conversation.

3. Express Your True Thoughts Clearly

Once you’ve set the stage, share what you really wanted to say. Keep it simple, direct, and honest. It’s helpful to consider this before returning to the conversation to be sure you’re clear about thoughts and basing them on facts rather than your emotions.

✅“What I actually wish I had said is that I really value our relationship, and I want to make sure we’re on the same page about this.”

4. Invite Dialogue and Connection

Monologues are not conversation, and a do-over isn’t just about correcting your words. Connection is key. After sharing, give the other person a chance to respond.

✅“Thanks for letting me say that. Was there anything else you wanted to share?”

This keeps the conversation open-ended rather than feeling like a one-sided correction. It can be the difference between being seen as needing to have the last word vs. caring enough to reconnect.

5. Accept the Outcome with Grace

Not every conversation will have a perfect resolution—and that’s okay. The goal of a do-over isn’t to control the other person’s response or perspective, but to express yourself in a way that aligns with your values.

Even if they don’t respond as you hope, you’ll know that you did your part to communicate with honesty and integrity. How they receive it is up to them.

Conclusion: Embrace Growth through Vulnerability

Revisiting conversations goes beyond just clearing the air. It’s an act of vulnerability, authenticity, and growth. When you share your true feelings, you create space for deeper connection while remaining authentic.

Whether the other person is receptive or not, your effort speaks volumes about your character and your commitment to improving both your relationship and emotional well-being.

Know that even when things don’t go as planned, your efforts matter. Sometimes the risk of being vulnerable and transparent makes a relationship even stronger than it was before a conversation went wrong or fell short! It’s never too late to share how you felt or meant to convey.

Final Thought:
The ability to revisit conversations and clarify your thoughts is a skill that will strengthen your relationships over time. It’s never too late to express yourself in a way that feels true to who you are.

Next Steps: Let’s Build Confidence and Clarity Together

If you’re feeling ready to show up in your relationships with confidence and integrity, but you’re not sure where to, I’m here to help.

Book a free consultation with me to explore how we can work together to implement these tools in a way that feels aligned with your unique situation. Whether you’re looking to rebuild communication in your relationships or just want to understand how to navigate tough conversations with grace, I’ll guide you through the process.

The post It’s Never Too Late: How to “Do-Over” a Conversation Gone Bad appeared first on Rise Coaching.

This week, I sat with a woman who was upset by a family member’s social media post that stated, “You don’t need to be perfect. I love & accept you as you are.”

When I asked why she was bothered by this, she stated that the person who posted it doesn’t accept her.

“In fact”, she added, “he’s super judgmental. He excludes people and picks & chooses who’s acceptable in his eyes.” 

When the conversation changed fifteen minutes later, I was puzzled when she made a statement that I felt was very unloving, exclusive, and judgmental of a minority group.

I was truly baffled. How did she not see that she was behaving exactly as she’d just described someone else?

(And wait…wasn’t I being judgmental now?!)

We all have parts of ourselves that others see, while we cannot.

Whenever someone tells me that “Christians are hypocrites” I validate their view and add that they certainly can be. Because Christians are human, and humans can be hypocritical. 

But while often see “hypocrites” as people who are behaving badly, few understand how the brain itself causes hypocritical behaviors within us.

There’s actually a psychology theory that can help explain this bizarre tendency of ours.

It’s called the Johari Window.

Imagine a window frame containing four panes–each with its own little window shade that can be drawn open or closed at any given time.

Each window pane represents a different view into our soul (our beliefs, character, behavior, personality, etc.).

There are parts of us that we keep private and other parts that we express openly to others. And of course, when we draw the shades depends also depends on who it is that’s looking into us. (I’m much more likely to be vulnerable with someone who feels safe.)

But have you considered what parts of yourself you keep hidden from yourself?

Each quadrant of the Johari Window represents the parts of us that are known by ourselves and by others. For example, when both I and others describe me as shy & quiet, this would be the “open/known” parts of myself. 

Whereas if I survived a trauma that now makes me highly anxious when around people, but I hide this well from others, we’re referring to a “Private/hidden” part of the self (a facade).

It’s possible that we’re unaware of things that happened to us during infancy and their ongoing impacts to our life). These things which are also unseen by others are the “unknown” parts of self.

Awareness is key.

You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.

So how do we fix things we’re not even aware of?

How do we “see” our blindspots?

Thankfully, there are things we can do to increase our self-awareness so that we’re not operating in the dark!

Every spring in Wisconsin, yard signs are posted saying, “Start seeing motorcycles!” 

People laugh about this, saying “How can I see something I don’t see?!”

But these signs have been proven to decrease cycle/car accidents, because psychology shows that we’re more likely to see something when we’re actively looking for it!

 

How to open your blind(spot)s:

🧠 Watch for your blindspots and acknowledge that you have them.

This one simple step will open your mind to watching for areas where you may be missing the bigger picture. 

 

🧠 Fact-check your thoughts. 

When you notice yourself having a strong reaction to something (mentally, emotionally, or physically), make a list of all of your thoughts about what’s happened (without editing). When you’ve finished, fact-check them. Ask yourself, “What would someone who believes the opposite say about this?” to broaden your perspective.

🧠 Ask others for feedback.

Asking others how they perceive you can give you incredible insight into behaviors that you’re completely unaware of.  Be sure to ask those with varying degrees of closeness to you. While your spouse has come to know your heart and your intentions over time (therefore seeing you through that lens), those who know you more casually will likely have a more subjective view of your behaviors. They’re more likely to notice your general moods, tone of voice, etc. Hearing these things can help you understand the “first impression” (and those that follow) that you give to others.

🧠 Get a second opinion.

When someone comments about your personality or character, don’t be afraid to ask what gave them that impression. This is especially helpful when you feel misunderstood. Asking someone who knows you well whether they can see how someone got this impression may add further information.

🧠 Hire a coach.

If you’ve been trying to change or do something for an extended time, without success, it’s very possible that a blind spot is holding you back.  Having a subjective person to share their observations and challenge your perspective can be incredibly beneficial. I’ve experienced this multiple times in my own life, as well as regularly with clients. (There’s nothing like witnessing a “light-bulb moment” where a person suddenly sees what was previously kept in the dark!)

 

There are two things I’ve learned about how people present themselves to the world.

Those with high self-awareness are generally pretty regulated and often other-aware as well.  But those who are highly aware (AKA critical) of others tend to be highly unaware when it comes to themselves.  And we can all increase our awareness by shedding a little light in the places we’ve seldom tended to in the past.

Ask your Creator to shine some light in the dark places, so you can show up as the beautiful human He created you to be. 🙂

Let me hold the flashlight for you...

Schedule a free consultation call to understand how your blindspots may be holding you back.

There’s no pressure and no commitment.

Just information. 

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The post Hypocritical Blindspots appeared first on Rise Coaching.

I’m currently mourning the loss of a dream.  My heart is hurting, and my soul is confused. Until now, it’s been too hard to even talk about. When exactly the dream started, I can’t say, but it started over a year ago with a dream of having a space where like-minded women could come together in a physical space that was warm and inviting. I wanted them to have access to an environment where they knew there would be people to visit with, but also with quiet spaces where they could come to work on their goals—whatever those were.

Mourning a broken dream can feel a lot like grieving the loss of a friend.

The first time I shared this vision with my husband, it was a bit into COVID. He’d asked how I thought COVID could impact thee plan, and I explained that I’d been hearing from women who had been involuntarily moved to work-from-home, who missed being around others. (I’m an introvert, so I can’t fully relate to that, but I certainly know enough extroverts to know that being in seclusion for over a year is enough to make anyone ready to escape the house!)  As I described the space and collective I’d been dreaming of, he was fully supportive. We prayed about it, and over the next several months, God filled in all the colors and details of this dream.

We live in a city of 74,000 which is tucked into a community made up of 18 other cities, totaling 250,000 residents. It’s the best of both worlds. Small-town friendly, with access to plenty of culture. Within Appleton, there is a property I’ve passed hundreds of times and always admired. It consists of a white, two-story farmhouse sharing one acre with a small 2-story barn. It’s quaint and beautiful, on land that’s peaceful yet is the only barn yet standing within a thriving town. In the midst of my praying and dreaming, I was beyond thrilled in October, when a “for sale” sign hit this yard. It was the perfect space.

No time was wasted before our first walk-through with the realtor. It was absolutely gorgeous.  …The barn, I mean. The house had a sweet charm to it. It wasn’t perfect but it was unique and had plenty of potential.  Armed with a degree in interior design, I was certain I could love it just as much as the white barn that was just across the driveway.  I could already fully envision the barn as a place for growing, healing and socializing. It had ample space for one office for meeting with counseling and coaching clients, but also had a larger open space and loft where I would group furniture to create workspaces, reading nooks, and gathering areas for women to enjoy. (There was even a beautiful outdoor patio where I planned to have tables and a few swing chairs for a quiet escape.)

There was just one (very large) complication….

I wrote a letter to the owners and told them my vision. We visited the property again, made multiple calls to the town, spoke with the owners for over an hour on the phone, and put in an offer. The number of things that occurred over the next month where God was clearly opening doors and lining things up are too many to tell here, but there was one big complication that stood in our way. The barn was maintained and listed as a commercial-approved building within a residential zone. The prior owners ran a business out of it and had invested a considerable amount of money into renovating the barn to meet and keep code.  However, while they were told by the town that this commercial permit would transfer with the property, the town told a very different story.

It seemed that the “Barnhouse” (as we lovingly called it) had become a bit of a bee in the town’s bonnet.  They’d gotten numerous phone inquiries about the property since it hit the market, each potential buyer presenting a different business plan and intentions. The man I spoke with said they’d shot every one of them down but said mine sounded promising. I was hopeful. I kept praying.

Days later, I got a call back from him, stating that he talked to his supervisor, “and it was a no-go.” He would offer little reasoning but said only that the current commercial permit would terminate with the sale of the home, and that the town was not interested in entertaining further businesses running out of it. So, when we put in an offer that was below asking price, explaining the town’s stance and high-risk we were taking on by hoping to win the town over, and be granted the opportunity to present our plan to the town board, the owners were unwilling to reduce their price, being told by the town that the building could be used commercially.

We made another offer.  More phone calls. Waited.  Prayed. And oddly, both my husband and I said repeatedly that we both felt we were to wait it out…that we shouldn’t give up and that it would somehow be ours. For six months, we prayed and dreamed of all the ways we could use the property to bless other people.

And then a few weeks ago, we walked to what we the Barnhouse, talking along the way about the next step. Another offer.  We asked each other, should we be “waiting on God” or had He already answered, and we just needed to step out in faith and trust that He would work things out? We’re no strangers to risk and aren’t risk-adverse, but we also didn’t want to be reckless or get ahead of God. While we were torn between these two perspectives, we agreed that someone it would work out; we just didn’t know how.

It was a windy day and it felt like time slowed down and the atmosphere changed as we turned the corner that the property sits on.  I heard the wind and at the same time that I felt the air knocked out of me, I saw a red “SOLD” sign dangling by one corner from the “for sale” sign that had been there for half a year. We both stopped abruptly. Neither one of us said a word. We just stood there for a minute before I felt the sting of tears in my eyes.

For the past week, I held out hope. I thought perhaps it wasn’t over. That somehow, it would still work out. The irony of seeing someone I knew well elected on as the town supervisor seemed to say that God was working thing out.  Yesterday, when my husband reported that the signs have been replaced with signs for the company hired by the new owners to paint the house, I saw that it’s no longer listed on the realtor websites. I felt the air leave and the tears burning again.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” ~Romans 8:28

I trust God. I believe Romans 8:28 literally, knowing He is working all things together for the good of those who love Him. I also know we have free will which often gets in the way and prevents some of the good things He has planned for us.

Remember that God’s “no” is protection; not rejection.

I’m unsure whether this was a case where God said no out of protection, or if it was our own lack of faith that kept us from stepping out into where He was leading us.  When God led the Israelites out of slavery, He parted the Red Sea for them to reach the promised land, but they still had to walk in faith in order to get through it.

So often, when we feel a leading or a calling from God, we get stuck in the cycle of questioning and overthinking.  There’s a time for praying and a time for action. I’m currently reading The Last Arrow by Erwin Raphael McManus (highly recommend it!) and the day my heart was hurting after seeing the sign, I read this:

“People who are constantly praying about everything may be doing too much talking and not enough listening. The point of prayer is response. And once God has spoken, you don’t need to pry about that anymore—unless, of course, you are trying to change his mind. There are things I don’t need to pray about anymore. I already prayed about them. I know the answer. What I don’t need is clarity. What I do need is courage and conviction.”

Ouch. And yes. So, this is the crossroads of dreaming big and stepping into God’s calling…but only part-way. We all get it wrong sometimes, but that doesn’t mean we should just give up. I may never know whether we lost this opportunity because God was protecting us from something we’re unaware of, or because we prevented ourselves from the opportunity God was drawing us to. But I do know this:  God and our relationship with Him is bigger than any dream (broken or otherwise) and He is a good, good Father.  Thankfully it’s never too late. He’s the God of second chances, and He if this dream was from Him (and I believe without a doubt that it was) He will finish the work He’s started.

Need support with your dreams?

While I don’t have that physical space yet, I do have a virtual one! Both individual clients and members of Rising Soul enjoy ongoing support while setting, vetting, and getting goals, while keeping Christ in the center of their lives.  Schedule a free consultation and I’ll show you how coaching can help you step into the life you were created for.

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The post Broken Dreams (When God Says No) appeared first on Rise Coaching.

Love is both a noun and a verb.  I feel love for someone because of what I choose to think about them. Sometimes it’s easy to come up with thoughts that create love as an emotion.  Other times it’s much more challenging. It’s in those difficult relationships, I choose to remind myself that this person was created by God and deeply loved by Him. I choose to remember that there is much of this person’s story (what has led to their current behaviors and values) that I don’t know.

Love is an emotion.

Emotions are created by our thoughts.

Emotions are created by our thoughts.

Now let’s turn to an emotional favorite: joy.

She’s the little blue-haired, spit-fire character in Pixar’s movie Inside Out. In this entertaining and animated movie about how emotions and memories are created, the “emotions” that live as characters inside an 11-year old girl’s brain create feelings by choosing things for her to think about. And everyone loves “Joy.”

I’m certainly no exception.  It’s one of my favorite emotions (along with gratitude and curiosity) and it is completely rooted in the choice to be joy-filled in all circumstances. Psalm 16:11 tells us that joy comes from being in God’s presence. I think there’s something more though, that the psalmist assumes that we already know. Just being in God’s presence (a circumstance) isn’t enough for us to experience joy.

We can’t shake off God’s unconditional love or His presence. These two things are fundamental parts of God’s character and can’t be changed or influenced by us. Contrary to society’s message today, truth is not subjective; It’s true whether we believe it or not. We’re all created with autonomy (“free will”) to choose what we believe though, and this does impact our experience. 

For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.
~Proverbs 23:7 

If I focus on the circumstances in my life and let those determine my emotions, my life will be full of drastic highs and lows.  There isn’t anything wrong with this.  In fact, I often say that life is 50/50 positive and negative emotions (although not all for the same length of time, thankfully!). This is what makes life interesting. A life where we were happy all the time would get boring after a while. I wouldn’t feel broken-hearted after a loved one’s death if I hadn’t also experienced extreme love for them during their life.

Joy is an emotion unlike any other.
We can feel its presence even during painful negative emotions.
It’s this emotion both as an emotion and construct that girds us up consistently
regardless of the circumstance we find ourselves in.

Those who work with me say I “speak in models.”  By this, they mean that I show them repeatedly that how you think about your circumstances is what creates your emotions, and those emotions then drive your actions, bringing about the results you have (or want) in your life. The members of Rising Soul know this model well. They understand that the reason this is true is because God (the Trinity) is the back-drop of the model. He created us to be in Him. Not to compartmentalize who we are and where our “Christian beliefs” fit into our life. But rather, to see all things through the lens of a God who loves you, sees you, and desires a meaningful and personal relationship with you.

This.changes.everything.

It creates joy.

A joy that is bigger than our circumstance.

A joy that outlives us.

And the reason for that joy? It’s not a circumstance. (Remember, that’s not what creates feelings!)

When know God and center our life around Him and His love, we can’t not think about Him.

When we go through hard times, we know that we’re not alone. We choose to think on that.

When something is out of our control, we know that He is in control. We choose to think on that.

When we’re afraid and uncertain about the future, we know that God is working all things together for good. And we choose to think on that.

This knowledge of God and choice to center our thinking on Him allows us to experience the joy that’s only found in Him.

Now that’s something to think about. 😉

Rising Soul is just 2 weeks away!

We’re a group of like-minded women living the life we were created for.

Click here to learn more and get on the wait list so you don’t miss out

when doors open again on March 25th. (Doors open quarterly.)

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The post Unconditional Joy appeared first on Rise Coaching.

“This is amazing. We need one of these!” I told my skeptical husband. We watched as a couple said goodbye to their dog, headed off to dinner, and then shared a dessert, checking in on their pup from their phone.  “Hey buddy!” The husband in the commercial cooed as their pooch pranced into the room.  As the man’s finger clicked the “treat” button on his screen, a small treat was projected from the spy-cube to the dog, who promptly caught it, and then returned to his little luxe doggie bed to patiently wait for their return.

The next day, I browsed Amazon — overwhelmed by the number of surveillance-and-treat systems available for the dog-obsessed. So many options, in fact, that I couldn’t decide on one, and abandoned my cart.  As I pondered the purchase in the following week, I started to see two flaws with this system.

Houston, we have a problem.

Problem number one:

Tootsie, our chocolate lab, is what dog trainers politely refer to as “highly food motivated.”

In other words, she eats anything in sight (including a firestarter log, but that’s another story!) faster than she’s able to decipher whether the object is, indeed, edible. (It turns out, everything is.) Having a treat-tossing machine in our living room would likely last 3.2 seconds after the dispensing of the first treat, after which she would destroy the plastic cube and eat its remaining contents.

Problem number two:

Maslow, our Golden Doodle, is what dog trainers politely refer to as “slightly neurotic.”

In other words, she is obsessed with me and suffers from separation anxiety when I’m out of her view for longer than she can blink. She is also a sweet little soul, and so when she needs correction (usually from shredding a magazine out of anxiety when I leave her at home) she is extremely sensitive and quick to do what I ask of her.  She’s more likely to fly than walk when I order, “On your bed!”.

She’s also so obsessed with me and videos that when I’m traveling and FaceTime my family, she leaps into the room and onto their laps to stick her big button nose against the screen, to take in my every syllable and move.

They say that over time, dogs and pets become more like each other.  Oh, Mylanta, I hope not! Seriously though, I started thinking about how these three traits and behaviors are seen frequently in dogs…and also, in humans.  Specifically, in humans as it comes to God and how we relate to Him, and the things from Him.

Lesson #1 The blessing is in our relationship with God…not in the treats he gives us.

Let’s begin with Tootsie who spends most of her life looking at the ground, ready to pounce (with an open mouth) on any scrap of treat that falls.  She often can’t be bothered with pets and cuddles, because she’s only interested in treats of the edible sort.

We’ve all met people who are more of “fair-weathered friends” than “man’s best friend.”  They pray when they need something, and are thankful when good things are happening in their life, but outside of those two circumstances, they pay little to no attention to their relationship with God. Sadly, they miss out on much by thinking the “abundant life” means a life where everything is good, and where all their needs are met. In reality, when Scripture talks about the abundant life, it refers to a life where we are fully dependent on God, in relationship with Him, inviting the Trinity into every area of our lives…not just the good…and not just the painful.

When I move about throughout our house, Maslow pops up and trots along.  Because of this, she often gets extra belly rubs and sometimes just gets company and the feeling that she’s not alone.  Tootsie (who really doesn’t care about any of those things) only gets up if she hears the clinks of silverware on plates, or the sound of the refrigerator cracking open. Oh, Tootsie.  How much you miss. 🙂

Lesson #2 You’re loved by God and under the safety of His watchful eye

As I imagine what I’d see if I were to spy on our pups when away from home, there’s one situation I know I’d encounter in quick order. Maslow pulling a magazine or book from a table, and carrying it back to her bed to destroy. As I contemplated my purchase, I imagined catching her in the act, and her reaction as she heard her name booming from the little spy-box that was still waiting in my Amazon shopping cart. With her uber-sensitive desire to please me, and her fear of disappointing, one verbal correction would likely have her curled in a corner with her tail between her legs. Would getting this Fido vision make her even more anxious?

Here again, we see a mirroring of what is often found in man’s relationship with God. The twisted idea that God is always watching, waiting for us to do something wrong…just one false move…so He can bring down the hammer.  Another variation of this tendency is seen when people become so fixated on God “showing up unexpectedly” that they refuse to do anything without hearing from Him first. They’re afraid that if they do anything wrong, they’ll disappoint.  So instead they do nothing…waiting for clear direction on every move.

We can be active-even in the waiting

Please don’t misunderstand.  It’s important to seek God first. To invite Him in.  To follow Him. But He also created us with a brain, instincts, and common sense that allow us to make decisions that are honoring and wise while we’re waiting to hear from Him. This leads me to my last point, which is closely related.

Lesson #3 Be who you were created to be

When I think of Maslow’s obsession with me and her desire to be near me, I feel both honored and humbled. I’ve taken her to classes as a puppy, and the vet for annual check ups. And yes, I even make her home-made biscuits on occasion. But I’m not so sure any of that warrants the love she gives me, the hard wags of her tail when she sees my car pull into the driveway, or the happy dance she does when I walk in the door. In all honestly, I hope Jesus knows I’m every bit as smitten with Him.

But this is where things often break down.  I love that Maslow loves me.  I love that she wants to please me. And as selfish as it is, I love that when I speak a command I’ve taught her, she proudly snaps to it, to show me that she’s obedient and at my beck and call. And yet…

We were created in God’s image…

I decided to click “delete” on Amazon that day. After imagining the impact this treat-wielding, dog-spying, video-cooing Fido cube would have on our pups, I decided it wasn’t worth the risk. Because when it all comes down to it, I want our dogs to be dogs.

I want them do all the dog things that God created them to do. I want them run to the window when they hear someone walking by, bark at the squirrels, take long naps, and yes…even shred my magazines and get into trouble while we’re gone. Because this is what dogs do.

The Bible has a lot to say about why we were created. It says we were made in God’s image.  Yes- to glorify Him, but also to be in relationship with Him and to love others. And lest we get too confused by the intersection of loving God and loving others, we have to go back to the head, heart and common sense that we were born with. Would God have created you with a passion, purpose, dreams, and ideas, if He wanted you to sit still –waiting for Him to command every single move you make throughout your day without using the gifts He gave you? Certainly, He wants to be at the center of your life. We’re not called to compartmentalize who we are–being Christian in some areas and aspects, but not in others. Nope. He wants us to love Him with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.

Forgive me if I return to my analogy one last time, to make a point. I want Maslow to come readily when I call her.  Sometimes because I’m thrilled to be with her. Sometimes because she’s in danger and I need to bring her to safety.  Regardless of the reason, I want her to be obedient. Thankfully, she is. And I also want her to be who she was created to be. Go play. Run. Sleep. Do what dogs do. That’s what brings me joy.

God our Father, loves watching you be you.
Living the life He created you to live.
All while honoring, cherishing, and yes-obeying Him.
You can do all three at the same time.
It’s the way you were created.

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The post What My Dogs Taught Me About God appeared first on Rise Coaching.

This project taught me two important lessons.

First, Marie Kondo is one smart cookie. Her concept of organizing by item (books, clothing, etc.) and bringing every single item within that category to one central location for organizing (what has been dubbed “organizing Kondo-style”) is both brilliant and deviously sneaky. In this single step, those of us who have been wooed by her seemingly sweet and innocent demeanor are instantly ambushed as we stand before a mountain of superfluous what-have-you, faced with the sheer volume of what we own. This alone made me consider donating the entire lot to charity, shaving my head and become a monk –to rid myself of an apparent over-attachment to things.

But here’s the surprise…our attachment to things isn’t really about things.

Thankfully, this exercise was part of an assignment we’re doing in Rising Soul this month, which included noticing our thoughts and emotions as we downsized, organized and systematized our spaces and habits. So, as I stopped to notice my resistance to tossing books to the donate bin, I realized something surprising. This feeling of attachment and fear of not having “enough” wasn’t really about the books at all. Clearly, I had more than enough books.  (Trust me. I did the math. If I were to read one book a week, I would not need to visit the public library for thirteen and a half years. Problem? I still think not.)

Having “too much” of something is often attached to a fear of “not enough.”

What then, was I afraid of? Why was I keeping more than I could possibly consume? Ahhh…there it was.  The fear of not enough…knowledge. The fear of missing out. The fear that someday, someone may come to me for help, and I would be unable to help them out of the pool they were drowning in, because I hadn’t read that book yet and I had given it away. And in that moment of realization, I sensed God whisper, “Do you trust me to give you what you need?”  And of course, I do.

This made me wonder: when you hold on to “extra” things you don’t need, what is it that you are fearing? What need are you afraid won’t be provided for? And what do you believe about how your needs are met? Who is your provider?

The second thing I learned is that the belief that we “need” something can actually keep us from what’s available to us.

I have a habit (my husband may find the term “addiction” more appropriate) of going to used book sales on the last day, when they offer “fill a bag for 5 bucks.” Because, well– why buy 3 books you’ve been wanting when you could get those plus another 20 to fill the rest of your bag at the same price?! (I realize this line of thinking led to me standing in my living room surrounded by 706 of my favorite books. No judgement needed.)

Back to my point…. The majority of my collection is non-fiction. (I own only 12 novels, which are easier to read and toss, in my defense…because clearly, I need one.) As an example, I thought I needed every book I had about the brain and its impact on mental health. So, the first time I sorted through my books, I kept almost every one I came across. But when I stepped back and looked at all of the brain books together, I realized three of them were highly recommended, but the rest seemed just average and even outdated. In reality, I was unlikely to read the majority of these, since there will always be new best sellers written.

Because I had so many books on the brain, I wasn’t reading any of them. I’d stare at the assortment, get overwhelmed by the decision and move on to a different category altogether. In the end, I kept the three that I was most excited to read and let go of the rest. I followed that same pattern with each remaining category and at the end of the day, I had eliminated one hundred nine books from my library. (Full disclosure, six of the books had an identical twin among the collection, which means a win-win. I get to keep my copy and some lucky winner at the library book sale will too, following my donation.)

Sometimes in life (as well as in amazing library collections) we have to let go of what we think we need in order to use what we’ve got and make room for what’s coming.

I can think of several things in my past that I held onto tightly, only to find God had something much better for me when I finally let go. This can be true of jobs, relationships, houses, dreams… and surprisingly, books. What are you holding onto that’s keeping you from grabbing hold of what God wants to offer you?

I now have a library that’s organized topically…with only books that I can’t wait to dive into. But just as exciting is the empty space that’s now on the shelves. I’m determined not to fill it with things I don’t need. I’m going to enjoy what I have, knowing that as I read and let go of each book, there will be more knowledge and growth to come.

What are you holding onto?

What fears are keeping you stuck?

Schedule a free consultation with me to peek into your blindspots so we can free up some space for the good things God has planned for you!

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The post 2 Things Maria Kondo Won’t Teach You appeared first on Rise Coaching.

The average person has 12,000-60,000 thoughts each day.

When we compare life now to a decade ago, we have immeasurably more information and data invading our thoughts and attention. The average person receives 120 emails and 72 texts per day. And with 93% of those texts being read within three minutes, we’re constantly fighting off distractions and mental clutter. Is it any wonder that over the course of our lives, we spend, on average, a total of 153 days searching for things we own and can’t find!?

This month in Rising Soul, we’re getting organized and decluttering. And while this may bring up images of sorting, donating and cleaning, we’re doing all that and then some… with more than just our things.

Cognitive Load: The brain’s memory capacity that’s being used.

“Cognitive load” is a term that neuroscientists use to describe the amount of bandwidth the brain has for its working memory.  When the brain becomes taxed (by remembering what we own, where it all is, what we’re supposed to be doing with it, and keeping track of the constant influx of communication we get through technology) we experience “cognitive overload.” It’s kind of like when your computer gets all jammed up and you realize you have fifteen tabs open and running! (I kid you not…I just counted mine and closed out fourteen!)

Think of this as the amount of hard drive space your computer is using.

We now know that living in cluttered and unorganized spaces is not only the result of our cluttered internal states, but also the cause of it! (My computer is running much more efficiently now, thank you very much.) There are few things we can do to help lighten the mental load we carry.

How to lighten the (cognitive) load

1. Reduce external clutter

By simplifying and organizing our environment, the brain is better able to block out and omit the things it doesn’t need to keep track of. The brain does this naturally when we’re at our best. (After all, it’s probably not important that the car that passed you on the way to work this morning was a red Honda.) But when we’re constantly surrounded by chaos, the brain has to work harder to weed through what to send to long term memory and what can be scrapped right away.

“Clutter is nothing more than postponed decisions.” ~Barbara Hemphill

2. Reduce internal clutter

That study I referred to earlier found that 95% of the thoughts we have are repetitive.  This is more than just déjà vu. This is ruminating on our thinking…likely because we’re constantly interrupted and rarely get to finish a thought! Other reasons for repetitive thinking is that we’re consciously trying to remember everything that we have to keep track of in a day. (Ever read a text invite with the intention of checking your calendar…only to completely forget to respond once you got home?!)

There are two ways of doing this that I’d recommend starting with.

First, pre-plan as much as possible!

Picking out what to wear might not sound like a daunting task at all, but the more decisions and actions you can batch together, the more you free up your mind to focus on the things that matter. I’ve noticed that I can stand in my closet and take 5 minutes picking out what to wear that day, or I can get into a groove and pick out my outfits for all 5 days in the same amount of time.  Once that’s done, I don’t have to think about it again

Consider what other activities you can batch together to eliminate the need for your brain to start and stop repeatedly. Pre-planning your day by listing what you need to get done and then scheduling those tasks is another way to chisel away at the mental chatter. Plan it once and then whenever you finish your task or appointment, look at your schedule and jump into the next thing. No more scrolling through your mental list of tasks all day.

Second, post-process at the end of each day

Just as most of us have some clutter that builds up in our purse on an average day, we also have some emotional clutter that needs to be emptied out daily. Emotions are created by our thoughts, and with up to 60,000 thoughts a day, our emotions can build up considerably as well!

We spend a fair amount of our day pushing our emotions aside so we can parent, work and function in the world. We do the same with many of those thoughts. A friend or coworker says something in a snappy tone and we catch our breath in surprise. We try to put it out of mind so we can focus on the presentation we need to give, but as soon as we climb into bed, turn off the lights (and all those intrusive electronics!) our mind finally has the microphone and a stage. This is why over fifty million Americans suffer from sleep disorders! Taking fifteen minutes before bed to dump all your thoughts out of your head and onto paper can allow your brain to get the peace and quiet you need.

A 15-minute download in exchange for an 8-hour night rest?
That’s called a wise investment.

Not into journaling? No worries.  Even making a list of bullet points, words, or phrases regarding all that’s on your mind can help.  So, a day where you landed a new account, your boss was rude in a meeting and you forgot to get your oil changed again, would result in a list that includes “rude boss, oil change, landed account” etc.  Fill a sheet with as many things that you can think of that are on your mind.  When you run out of things, try to come up with 3-5 more.

If you are a journaler, take it a step further.  Do that prep work on a piece of scrap paper, and then journal on each item, crossing them out as you go until you’ve vented and vetted out all your worries. Another great version of this is writing them out in the form of a prayer. Pour your heart out and tell Him everything. Then rest easy, knowing He’s working on it!

Have a bad case of deja vu?

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The post Mental Clutter & Overload appeared first on Rise Coaching.