For More Than Just Romance

Valentine’s Day. For some, it’s a time of romantic dinners, flowers, and handwritten love notes. But for others, it’s a day that can feel lonely, disappointing, or even unnecessary. If you’re not in a relationship, it might seem like a holiday meant for someone else—something to ignore or just get through.

But what if Valentine’s Day wasn’t just about romance? What if, instead, we saw it as an opportunity to spread love to everyone we encounter—friends, family, people from our past, and even strangers?

In a world where so many feel unseen or unappreciated, love is needed now more than ever. And the good news? You don’t need to be married or in a romantic relationship to give or receive it.

This year, let’s rethink Valentine’s Day. Let’s turn it into a weekend of intentional love—where we make the world a little brighter, one small act at a time. Whether you’re single, married, or somewhere in between, you have the power to make a difference in someone’s day.

Why Our World Needs More Love

Let’s be honest—there’s a lot of division, unkindness, and even outright hostility in the world right now. Scroll through the news or social media for just a few minutes, and you’ll see arguments, criticism, and people talking past each other instead of listening. It’s easy to feel discouraged, to wonder if kindness and connection are becoming rare.

But here’s the thing: Love hasn’t disappeared. It’s still here, in everyday moments—the stranger who holds the door open, the friend who sends a “just thinking of you” text, the teacher who goes the extra mile to encourage a struggling student. Love is still present—we just have to be intentional about spreading it.

That’s why expanding Valentine’s Day beyond romantic love matters. What if we used this weekend as an opportunity to counteract the negativity we see? To choose kindness over cynicism, connection over isolation, and love over indifference?

A simple act of love, no matter how small, can be a ripple effect of goodness. And when more of us choose to spread love intentionally, it shifts the atmosphere around us.

So, let’s take this Valentine’s Day weekend and turn it into something bigger—a chance to be the kind of love the world so desperately needs. 💛

Extending Valentine’s Beyond One Day & “The One”

A single day is hardly enough to celebrate love in all its forms. Instead of limiting Valentine’s Day to one evening or one person, what if we turned it into a whole weekend of intentional love? Not just for our partners or close friends, but also for those who shaped us—the people from our past who left a mark on our lives.

Think about the teachers, mentors, neighbors, or old friends who encouraged you when you needed it most. Maybe it was a childhood piano teacher who saw your potential, a college professor who believed in you, or a boss who gave you a chance when no one else would. There have been several of these examples who I’ve tracked down and reached out to over the years, and all of them were received with open arms and a grateful hearts. I was surprised that these people all remembered me (even decades later!) and it was as enjoyable for me sharing the memories and gratitude as it was for them to hear it.

Love isn’t just about romance—it’s about acknowledging the people who helped us become who we are today. Taking a moment to express gratitude not only brightens their day, but it deepens our own sense of love and connection.

Ideas for Everyday Love in Action:

Thankfully kindness costs us nothing, and isn’t difficult to express. Here are just a handful of ideas to get you started:

💛 Genuine Compliments and appreciation – Tell the barista how much you love their energy. Send a note to a mentor from your past or create a tag them in a social media post, sharing what a difference they made.

💛 Unhurried Conversations – Take an extra moment to ask, “How’s your day going?”—and really listen to the answer. Shoot a text to a friend to let them know you’re thinking of them and check in on what’s going on in their life.

💛 Unexpected Generosity – Leave a generous tip. Pay for the person behind you in line. Bring coffee to a coworker who could use a pick-me-up.

💛 Handwritten Notes – A simple sticky note on a colleague’s desk or a funny note on that coffee you bring them…the little gestures can make a bigger impact than we realize.

💛 Eye Contact & Smiles – It sounds so small, but in a world where many feel unseen, simply acknowledging someone with warmth can be a powerful. And when we go beyond just flashing a smile, but sharing a genuine smile (that goes all the way t your eyes) people feel connection and truly seen.

Love isn’t just about grand gestures or carefully planned surprises. Sometimes, the smallest moments—a kind word, a warm smile, an unexpected act of generosity—can create ripples far beyond what we see. We increase the chance that those we impact will go on to impact those who they come into contact with as well…and on and on.

Imagine if, just for this weekend, we made it our goal to actively spread love everywhere we go. Not in dramatic ways, but in simple, intentional moments that remind people that they matter.

Carrying the Spirit of Love Beyond the Weekend

Valentine’s Day weekend may come and go, but the opportunity to spread love doesn’t’ need to be limited to February 14th. Imagine what our communities, families, and friendships would look like if we made loving others a daily habit rather than a once-a-year occasion. The kindness you show this weekend—whether through heartfelt messages, small acts of generosity, or simply offering a warm smile—has the potential to ripple out in ways you may never see.

But why stop at just one weekend? What if we made a habit of appreciating the people in our lives, reaching out to those who have shaped us, and extending kindness to strangers as part of our daily lives? Love isn’t confined to a holiday—it’s a mindset, a way of living, and a reflection of who we are.

Your Next Step

Here’s one last Valentine’s gift—imagine I’ve tucked it into a little heart-shaped box just for you. (Sorry that I couldn’t include some chocolate too!) It’s impossible to give love to others without feeling it yourself. Love is a two-way street, and the more you share it, the more loving you become in the process.

Maybe this weekend will be the spark you need to keep the love flowing beyond Valentine’s Day and weekend. The world is full of people who need a little extra kindness, and your intentional acts can create ripples that continue long after the holiday has passed. So, let’s make it a habit to choose love every day—not just for the ones we hold dear, but for everyone we encounter. Drop me a note and share what you’re putting into practice today and beyond!

The post Rethinking Valentines Day: More Than Just Romance appeared first on Rise Coaching.

The Hidden Cost of Always Being the Strong One

As a therapist, I’m used to people coming to me when they’re hurting and I’m happy to be there for them. But when one of my adult children was recently diagnosed with a condition that completely changed the way I saw our future, it has been devastating and at times, isolating. I suddenly found myself on the other side of the calls and texts I was used to being part of.

At first, I told only close family members and said nothing to friends. But carrying something that heavy takes its toll, and his diagnosis caused interruptions in my life to the point where I felt I needed to offer some explanation for my distance (both physically and mentally) to friends as well. As I started opening up, my shared bits and pieces were met with a wide range of responses. Some surprised me with hurtful comments, but most overwhelmed me with their compassion and support. 

As his illness brings its cycles of chaos and calm, I’m still learning how to navigate. There are times I’ve declined invites without sharing the raw emotions keeping me secluded, and other times I know I’ve overshared, feeling overwhelmed and helpless to his disease. There are friends I lean on so heavily that I have to intentionally weigh how often I share my struggles, making sure to ask about details in their lives. I appreciate them beyond words and want to show up for them, too.

This experience has opened my eyes to a struggle so many of us face: when and how to share what we’re going through, and how to create friendships that feel mutual rather than one-sided.

Maybe you’ve been in this place too—unsure of how much to share, afraid of burdening others, or realizing a friendship has started to feel lopsided. Or maybe you’re on the other side of the coin—someone who leans on your friends often but hasn’t thought much about how that dynamic might feel for them.

Wherever you find yourself, this is a nuanced topic, so let’s explore how we can navigate this well, honoring both our need for support and the importance of reciprocity in our friendship. In this post, we’ll explore: 

☑️ The hidden cost of always being the strong one

☑️ Why asking for help doesn’t make you weak

☑️ How emotional imbalance strains friendships

☑️  Practical steps to open up and strengthen your relationships

Being the strong one in your friendships may feel like an honor at first. You’re the go-to person, the one who others rely on for support. But over time, this role comes with hidden costs that affect both you and your relationships.

The Unspoken Imbalance

Being an emotional rock for others can feel fulfilling and purposeful. But if you never share your own struggles, your friends might start to think they’re the only one who ever needs support. They might also feel like they can’t relate to you on a deeper level because your life seems so perfect compared to theirs. Meanwhile, you might start feeling resentful or taken for granted when people stop asking how you’re doing. Both aspects of this imbalance can create distance over time, often without either person realizing what’s causing it.

The Pressure to Keep Up Appearances

If you’ve built a reputation as the one who “has it all together,” the idea of opening up can feel uncomfortable—even risky. You might worry that being vulnerable will change how others see you, or that they won’t know how to respond. In reality, it’s this very image that can create distance in the friendship. When your friends only see the “strong” you, they might start to assume everything’s great in your life—leaving you to silently carry the weight of your own problems as they stop asking about your life. Over time, you may begin to feel inauthentic, as if you’ve given a false impression that your life is perfect when it’s not. This pressure to maintain an image of strength can make it even harder to reach out when you genuinely need support.

Missed Opportunities for True Connection

The strongest friendships are built on shared vulnerability and support. If you never allow yourself to be vulnerable, your friends might feel like they can’t relate to you on a deeper level. It’s also worth pointing out that difficult times are often when our true spirit—our priorities, values, and character—shine through. By sharing your struggles, you invite deeper, more meaningful relationships—ones where you are valued not just for what you give, but for who you are.

Why We Struggle to Ask for Support

Revisiting a conversation is a sign of growth—especially when taking responsibility for your side of the conversation. Being So, if being vulnerable and asking for help strengthens relationships, why is it so hard to do? The truth is, many of us have internalized beliefs that make it feel uncomfortable—even unsafe—to rely on others.

1. Fear of Being a Burden

One of the biggest reasons people hesitate to share their struggles is the worry that they’ll be too much for others. You might think, They have their own problems—I don’t want to add mine. But true friendships aren’t about keeping score; they’re about mutual care and support.

2. Conditioning from Childhood or Past Experiences

Many of our beliefs about asking for help come from how we were raised. If you grew up in an environment where emotions were downplayed, or you were praised for being independent, you may have learned that relying on others is a sign of weakness. Similarly, if you’ve opened up before and been met with indifference or rejection, you may hesitate to try again.

3. The “Strong Friend” Identity

When you’re used to being the one others lean on, it can feel disorienting to reverse roles. You might think, If I’m not the rock, then who am I? Over time, this identity can become a trap, making it harder to express your own struggles without feeling like you’re letting others down.

4. Perfectionism and the Need for Control

For some, asking for help feels like admitting failure. If you take pride in being self-sufficient, opening up about your struggles might feel like you’re losing control. It’s easy to view our friends’ vulnerability as a sign of trust, yet see our own as weakness!

5. Fear of Rejection or Judgment

What if you open up to them and they don’t “show up” for you? What if they disappoint you or seem uncomfortable? These fears are valid, but they also rob others from the opportunity to show up with genuine compassion and maybe even some insight that you’ve been looking for. Further more-it robs you both of a deeper connection going forward!

The Truth: You Don’t Have to Carry It Alone

Breaking these patterns takes time, but the first step is recognizing that your needs matter just as much as anyone else’s. True friendship isn’t about always being strong—it’s about being real.

How This Creates Distance in Friendships

When you always play the role of the strong one, you may think you’re protecting your friendships. In reality, this pattern can create an invisible barrier between you and the people who care about you. Here’s how:

1. Friends May Assume You Don’t Need Them

If you never open up about your struggles, your friends may assume you’re doing just fine. They might even feel like they’re the ones who always need support, while you’re the one who has it all together. This can make them hesitant to reach out, unintentionally leaving you feeling isolated.

2. It Can Create Resentment (Even If Unintended)

While you may take pride in being the reliable one, constantly carrying the emotional load can be exhausting. Over time, you might start feeling unappreciated or even resentful—wondering why no one checks in on you. The problem isn’t that your friends don’t care; it’s that they don’t know you need them, because you’ve never given them the chance.

3. Deep Connection Requires Vulnerability

The most meaningful friendships are strengthened in the moments when we let others see us in our struggles and when we have relatively equal opportunity to support others as well. When we’re forever supporting but never leaning, your friends may feel like they don’t really know you in the same way you know them. This can make the friendship feel surface-level, even if they care deeply about you. Over time, this can create emotional distance, never reaching the depth that lasting relationships require. 

The Power of Vulnerability: Why Letting Others In Matters

True connection isn’t built on strength alone—it thrives on mutual trust, support, and authenticity. When you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you deepen your friendships in powerful ways:

• Mutual Support Strengthens Bonds – The most meaningful friendships have a natural give-and-take. Letting others support you, just as you support them, creates a more balanced and fulfilling connection. This includes sharing your successes with friends too, which can feel equally vulnerable!
• Being Seen Builds Trust – People feel closest to those who have seen all sides of them. Sharing your struggles invites deeper emotional connection and turns casual friendships into lifelong bonds.
• It Allows Others to Feel Useful Too – Just as you feel valued when helping a friend, they also want to be there for you. Opening up gives them the chance to show up in the same way, strengthening your relationship.

By letting others in, you create space for genuine, lasting friendships—ones where you’re valued not just for what you give, but for who you truly are.H3. Invite Dialogue and Connection

How to Change The Pattern

Letting others in doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing approach. You can begin by taking small steps to open up and allow others to support you. Here are a few ways to do it:

1. Start Small and Practice Vulnerability Gradually

You don’t have to spill your deepest secrets all at once. Start with smaller things—share how you’re feeling about a current challenge or ask for help with something practical. Over time, these small acts of vulnerability will strengthen your friendships.

2. Share Your Needs and Desires

Don’t assume people know what you need. Be honest about your desires and what you’d like in terms of support. Whether it’s emotional encouragement or just someone to listen, let your friends know how they can show up for you.

3. Reframe Vulnerability as an Opportunity for Connection

Rather than seeing asking for support as a burden, reframe it as an opportunity to deepen your friendships. Remember, they likely want to support you, just as you’ve supported them in the past.

4. Don’t Be Afraid to Lean on Others

Sometimes, we hesitate to reach out because we fear rejection. But chances are, your friends want to be there for you, just as you’re there for them. Allowing yourself to lean on others is a way to honor the strength in your relationships.

5. Recognize That You Don’t Have to Do Everything Alone

It’s okay to not have everything figured out. Life can be overwhelming, and asking for help doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human. Embrace the vulnerability that comes with leaning on those you trust.

Wrap up and Application

One final thought—The Flip Side of the Coin

I want to briefly acknowledge that you may actually be on the opposite side of this coin. If you’ve come to recognize the value of getting support from others, and easily share your problems with friends, I hope this blog offers some insight on how to evaluate whether an imbalance may be harming your friendships. You’re ahead of the game with vulnerability in friendships but be sure you’re also showing up for your friends—not just as someone who needs them, but as someone who values them and who cares deeply about their experiences too.

You may have spent years believing your role was to be the strong one—the steady, reliable friend who always gives support but rarely receives it. But true friendships thrive on mutual trust and openness. Letting others in isn’t a burden; it’s a gift that deepens connection and allows both of you to feel truly seen.

What would it look like to share just a little more of the hard parts of your life with friends?

The next time you’re tempted to carry something alone, pause. Take a deep breath, reach out, and let someone be there for you. Because you deserve the same support you so freely give—and your friendships will be stronger because of it.

Share & Start the Conversation

IIf this post resonated with you, chances are you’re not alone. Maybe you have a friend who always shows up for others but struggles to ask for support. Or maybe you’ve realized you are that friend.

Take a simple but powerful first step: share this post with a friend. Let it be the start of an honest conversation about what it means to truly support each other.

And if you’re ready to break this cycle and start building deeper, more balanced friendships, I’d love to hear from you! Connect with me here You’re not meant to do life alone. 

The post Letting Others In: Why Always Being the Strong One Pushes Friends Away appeared first on Rise Coaching.

Wishing you’d said something different?

Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling uneasy, replaying it over & over in your mind? Maybe you said something you didn’t mean, froze up, or just didn’t come across the way you wanted to. Maybe you held back some of your thoughts or feelings out of fear of the other person’s reaction, leaving you feeling dishonest or guilty. Now you’re stuck with that lingering regret, thinking, I should have said this instead.

Here’s the good news: It’s not too late.

At the risk of stating the obvious, I can’t tell you how many times clients are surprised when I point this out. It’s easy to get so caught up in regret that we don’t even consider circling back. Revisiting a conversation (when done with vulnerability and a soft start can actually strengthen relationships, bring closure, and help you feel more authentic.

In this post, I’ll walk you through why we get stuck in conversations, how to confidently revisit them, and practical steps to “do-over” in a way that feels respectful and honest.

Why We Get Stuck in Past Conversations

Have you ever noticed that some conversations replay in your mind long after they’ve ended? Or wonder why you got stuck and didn’t say what you meant in the first place? Each scenario has its own culprit.

1. The Brain Loves to Solve Unfinished Business

Your mind is wired to seek out resolution. When a conversation doesn’t go as planned—whether you stayed silent when you wanted to speak up or said something you regret—your brain keeps revisiting it, trying to “fix” what went wrong. This tendency to obsess over incomplete tasks is known as the Zeigarnik Effect, which explains why unresolved situations tend to take up more mental space than those with clear closure.

(🧠Geeky fun fact: Hemingway was said to use the Zeigarnik Effect to his advantage by ending his daily writing mid-sentence, leaving his brain to continue creating while he went on with his evening!)

2. Emotional Reactions Override Logic

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: “When emotions are high; logic is low.” When we’re caught off guard, our nervous system takes over. We might shut down to avoid making things worse or become defensive to “fight off” a perceived attack. It’s often not until later, when our emotions are regulated again, that we’re able to formulate more complete (and honest) thoughts about the situation.

The good news? A past conversation doesn’t have to end there. You can revisit it, clarify your thoughts, and express yourself in a way that better aligns with who you are.

The Power of a Do-Over

Revisiting a conversation is a sign of growth—especially when taking responsibility for your side of the conversation. Being open and vulnerable strengthens relationships rather than weakens them because it shows that you value the relationship enough to risk being transparent about what you were experiencing at the time. We’re used to people telling us what they think. But sharing how we feel tends to be reserved for those we care about. People generally appreciate the vulnerability & sincerity of someone saying, Hey, I didn’t show up the way I meant to there.  Can we revisit that conversation?

There’s one more unexpected outcome of a redo. When others experience you being courageous enough to follow-up and clarify your thoughts, feelings, and actions, you set an example by sending the message that it’s emotionally safe for them to be transparent as well. Healthy communication isn’t about getting it perfect. It’s about being open and honest, even after the fact. The more willing we are to return for honest conversations, the more honest our conversations will become.

The bottom line? You don’t have to be trapped by a past conversation. You have permission to revisit, clarify, and express yourself in a way that’s more vulnerable and honest. In the next section, I’ll walk you through exactly how to do that with confidence.

Practical Steps for a Successful Do-Over

Now that you understand the power of revisiting a conversation, let’s break it down into clear, actionable steps to help you navigate your do-over with confidence.

Before reaching out, take a moment to reflect on what you truly want to say. (Writing it down often helps clarify further!) Ask yourself:

📝 What was I feeling during the original conversation? (Was I afraid of anything?)

📝 What did I not say that I wish I had?

📝 What do I hope to fully convey to help the other person to understand?

This reflection ensures that you approach the conversation with clarity rather than reacting emotionally (possibly again).

If you frequently find yourself feeling unheard or dismissed in conversations, it may be helpful to work on your own emotional resilience and communication skills. You can do this by:

💡 Journaling about your feelings to process them.

💡 Talking to a mentor, therapist, or coach for guidance.

💡Asking for feedback from those whose opinions you value and trust.

How to Revisit a Conversation with Confidence

Bringing up a past conversation can feel intimidating. You might worry that it’ll be awkward, that the other person won’t want to talk again, or that you’ll make things worse. But in reality, most people appreciate honesty and a genuine effort to connect.

The key is to approach the conversation with clarity, vulnerability, and respect. Here’s how:

1. Start by Acknowledging the Timing and Owning Your Initial Reaction

You don’t need a long-winded explanation. Simply acknowledge that some time has passed, and you’d like to revisit it. Then ask if that’s okay. By framing it as a request rather than a demand, you give the other person space to engage and decreases the chances of the other person feeling defensive (which would likely mean repeating the same conversation as the last one!). If they agree, be honest about what happened in the moment, but keep the focus on your response.

✅“Hey, I’ve been thinking about our conversation the other day, and I realized I kind of froze up and didn’t share what was important to me. Would you mind if I shared more openly?”

Sometimes, no matter how well you approach a do-over, the other person is not open to revisiting the conversation. People process things at different speeds. Don’t confuse “not now” with “never.” Honor their response and keep the door open for the future. Pressuring them to engage will only push them further away.

✅ “I understand if you’re not ready. I’m here if you change your mind.”

2. Share Your Feelings, Not Just Your Thoughts

A do-over isn’t just about saying what you wish you’d said—it’s about sharing what was happening internally. This builds understanding and connection.

✅“When we talked, I felt overwhelmed and didn’t know how to respond. But after thinking about it, I realized I actually felt [anxious] because [explain what was going on for you].”

Being emotionally honest helps the other person understand your perspective, rather than just hearing revised words. Increased empathy is like balm in a difficult conversation.

3. Express Your True Thoughts Clearly

Once you’ve set the stage, share what you really wanted to say. Keep it simple, direct, and honest. It’s helpful to consider this before returning to the conversation to be sure you’re clear about thoughts and basing them on facts rather than your emotions.

✅“What I actually wish I had said is that I really value our relationship, and I want to make sure we’re on the same page about this.”

4. Invite Dialogue and Connection

Monologues are not conversation, and a do-over isn’t just about correcting your words. Connection is key. After sharing, give the other person a chance to respond.

✅“Thanks for letting me say that. Was there anything else you wanted to share?”

This keeps the conversation open-ended rather than feeling like a one-sided correction. It can be the difference between being seen as needing to have the last word vs. caring enough to reconnect.

5. Accept the Outcome with Grace

Not every conversation will have a perfect resolution—and that’s okay. The goal of a do-over isn’t to control the other person’s response or perspective, but to express yourself in a way that aligns with your values.

Even if they don’t respond as you hope, you’ll know that you did your part to communicate with honesty and integrity. How they receive it is up to them.

Conclusion: Embrace Growth through Vulnerability

Revisiting conversations goes beyond just clearing the air. It’s an act of vulnerability, authenticity, and growth. When you share your true feelings, you create space for deeper connection while remaining authentic.

Whether the other person is receptive or not, your effort speaks volumes about your character and your commitment to improving both your relationship and emotional well-being.

Know that even when things don’t go as planned, your efforts matter. Sometimes the risk of being vulnerable and transparent makes a relationship even stronger than it was before a conversation went wrong or fell short! It’s never too late to share how you felt or meant to convey.

Final Thought:
The ability to revisit conversations and clarify your thoughts is a skill that will strengthen your relationships over time. It’s never too late to express yourself in a way that feels true to who you are.

Next Steps: Let’s Build Confidence and Clarity Together

If you’re feeling ready to show up in your relationships with confidence and integrity, but you’re not sure where to, I’m here to help.

Book a free consultation with me to explore how we can work together to implement these tools in a way that feels aligned with your unique situation. Whether you’re looking to rebuild communication in your relationships or just want to understand how to navigate tough conversations with grace, I’ll guide you through the process.

The post It’s Never Too Late: How to “Do-Over” a Conversation Gone Bad appeared first on Rise Coaching.

This all sounds pretty straight-forward until it comes to putting philosophy into practice!

A neighbor loses their job for the third time this winter.

A teen gets a speeding ticket he can’t afford to pay.

A friend gets pulled over after a few too many glasses of wine and asks you to come pick her up.

Your child gets caught cheating at school and is given a harsh consequence.

An addict becomes homeless.

Do you offer grace, or is that just enabling their bad behavior?  What’s the difference between the two? For most of us, the closer the relationship to the person, the murkier that line becomes. Let’s start with a few definitions.

The entire Christian faith is built on grace, mercy and forgiveness.
So is there really such a thing as “enabling” others?

Grace: Undeserved favor, blessing or restoration

Mercy: Offering forgiveness despite having just cause to prosecute a wrong committed. 

Helping: Assisting someone in doing something that they’re unable to do for themselves.

Enabling: Doing something for someone that could do for themselves with effort, sacrifice and determination.

Helping often involves accompanying someone and walking through things together, so they can learn how to do for themselves.  This is another place that unconditional love comes in.  Love is a verb. It takes action. Sometimes exhausted and frustrated action, because (thankfully) God never gives up on us and tells us anything is possible. Any heart can be changed. Any person can be healed and set free.  This is hardest when a person’s actions (such as abusing substances) have created mental illness, leaving them incapable of doing things that they were once able to do.  As frustrating as these times may be, we are called to love and help to the extent that is needed in order for them to regain the ability to care for themselves.

The answer is found in the sweet spot where grace and guidance intersect.

This grace is an unconditional love that shows forgiveness and mercy every time they are truly sorry and make serious attempts to change their behavior and circumstances. Sound exhausting? It is! But the eternal view is counter cultural.  (See Matthew 18:21-22.)

Jesus was the greatest example of this to ever live. He spoke the (often hard) truth in love, despite how painful it may have been for the person to hear. The conviction we feel in our soul when we‘re living out of alignment with the life God created us for is almost always humbling and uncomfortable. Jesus loved these people enough to allow them to feel discomfort then so they could experience the eternal freedom He offers to all.  And when he finished loving on each of them, He clearly stated his expectation: “go and sin no more.” (Not “Keep doing what you’re doing—there’s more forgiveness where that came from!”)

…even though, of course, there is.

Why we enable others

Few who enable others have bad intentions. In fact, the primary reason for enabling someone is to shelter them from the pain and discomfort that their own actions have brought on themselves. Furthermore, we don’t take a stand or say what needs to be lovingly said, because we don’t want them to feel angry, judged or any other negative emotion. So we shut up and answer their requests (often while hating ourselves for doing so!)

This misguided “act of love” fails to recognize that loving someone without setting healthy boundaries in order to nurture growth, responsibility, and the ability to be self-sufficient isn’t love at all. Loving means being willing to do the hard thing so someone else can step into who God created them to be, while enabling may mean we’re interfering with the lesson God is trying to teach, in order to help our loved one out of long term pain!

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” ~Hebrews 12:11

The second reason we enable others is surprisingly (and often unconsciously) out of selfish motives.

Just as we don’t want the person we care about to experience negative feelings, we don’t want to feel them either! It can be excruciating watching someone we love repeat a lesson that they haven’t yet learned despite “hitting rock bottom” several times. It’s hard on us! We don’t want to feel the anxiety that accompanies conflict and difficult conversations.  We don’t want to risk the person’s anger or damage to the relationship.

But notice, that while completely understandable, these are selfish motives. They put our own desires ahead of the needs of someone else. We allow their future to continue to be at risk, so that we can feel better now.

Unconditional love does not mean blessings without boundaries!

I’ve heard many people use the story of the Prodigal Son to validate enabling others. But notice the order of this story. The father gave his son his inheritance (blessings) before he made poor choices that caused him trouble. Then the son messed up. And finally, Dad’s forgiveness and grace came after the son became remorseful and had changed his behavior. When this irresponsible man-boy returned to his father, apologetic and wanting to change, he was met with open arms. His father never stopped loving him, but this doesn’t mean that he would have dished out money to clean up the mess he’d made. Jesus gives us undeserved rights to his inheritance too. (We’ve done nothing to deserve such a reckless love and blessings.) But not until we acknowledge our mistakes and express our intention to live in alignment with His heart.  True-we’re not perfect from that point on. But He knows our hearts and intentions. He corrects us when we go astray and doesn’t allow less from us than He knows we’re capable of. 

So that sweet spot of grace and guidance? It’s love and grace.

Not either/or.

It’s both/and.

Grace and guidance…without enabling bad behavior.

Because that one thing that helps separate enabling from grace is whether the person has stopped the behavior and is making a heartfelt effort to improve.

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The post Grace or Enabling? (The 1 Thing That Makes all the Difference) appeared first on Rise Coaching.

Insinuation Anxiety: noun
A worry that not agreeing with someone’s choices implies criticism
of how they are managing pandemic life.
— Counseling Today (November 2020)

There are a few additional definitions available, explaining various versions of the same trend- the fear that by wearing a mask or socially distancing, you could be misunderstood. This fear is based on the fact that the other person involved might think you’re implying that they’re unsafe, a danger to be around, or worse yet–have poor discussion making skills or lack intelligence.

You’ve probably seen this anxiety or perhaps even had bouts of it yourself. If you’re not familiar with the fear, just take a look at some of the conversations out on Facebook and you’ll quickly recognize it lurking there.

But this topic intrigued me for another reason too.

Lately, I’ve noticed an increase in people’s stress and anxiety in general when someone else disagrees with them or has thoughts different from their own.  This isn’t just about the pandemic, although it could be a side effect of it. We humans have a natural propensity to feel threatened when people disagree with us. Why is that?

Emotional (Or Physical) Danger

There’s a theory that says that because humans were once heavily dependent on one another for survival, our brains are wired to sense fear when we’re at risk of being “on the outs” with society. Centuries ago, it was a literal threat to be ostracized from the tribe.  Being banished from the group meant we’d be on our own and vulnerable to attack by predators, and less successful at hunting the food we’d need to survive. While it’s unlikely that being disapproved of by your friends or family would result in death today, this theory says we were created with an internal warning system that hasn’t evolved along with the rest of our brain and thinking, so we continue to be overly sensitive to the approval of others.

We Were Made For Relationship

I’m not so sure that humans just “evolved” in order to survive as a species, but I do believe that our Creator made us with brains that are capable of adapting as the universe evolves. And I for sure believe that we were created for relationship. After all, not only did God create us to be in relationship with Him, but He also made it clear that He wants us to be in relation with others.  Genesis says He thought the world was “very good”…until he saw Adam all alone.  Nope. “No good,” He said, and went back to work to remedy the dilemma. We were made to relate to and connect with each other. Whether we like it or not, it does matter to us what others think.

So how do we hold this in check so it doesn’t become unhealthy? If we spend our lives focussing on what others think of us, and worrying about how to change their opinions of us, we’ll likely feel emotionally exhausted in addition to feeling threatened! When others think you’re wrong or question your judgement, you can see how easy it would be to begin living for others in an unhealthy way.

Assessing What Matters

As usual, the answer is found by assessing our thoughts and feelings. Often times, physiological sensations in the body are our first clue that something is wrong with our thinking. Check in with your body. What are you feeling? What do you notice? For many people, a sensation of heat or tightness in their shoulders and chest signifies nervousness, fear, or anxiety. Others notice a “knot” in their stomach or nausea. The better you are at recognizing and labeling the feeling, the faster you’ll be able to get to the thought that’s causing it.

Here are some key questions you can ask yourself to help you to stand in confidence rather than fear.

• What am I really afraid of here?
• What’s at stake? How does what they think impact me?
• Do I value this person’s opinion?
• Do I value his/her values? Do their values match mine?
• Are there areas of my life where it’s okay to not see eye-to-eye with this person?
• Can I give this person the grace and freedom to think differently than me?

As I said, it’s highly unlikely that your well-being is at risk if another person disagrees with you or has a perspective that is different than yours. Reminding yourself of this at the time can support your parasympathetic nervous system in calming you down. It can also be helpful to remind yourself that you have options. You can:

• Agree to disagree
• Explain your thought process or how you arrived at your decision/conclusion
• Decline to explain your reasoning
• Ask to change the conversation to a different topic
• End the conversation completely
• Create distance (either temporarily or permanently)
• “Let them” be wrong about you

It’s okay to let people be wrong about you.

One of my favorite freeing thoughts is this: “It’s okay for people to be wrong about me.” While I can say this with confidence now, it took quite some time before I fully believed it. I had to build up to the thought with “smaller” thoughts like, “Maybe someday I’ll be able to let people be wrong about me” and “I’m working on allowing others to be wrong about me.”

While we can certainly influence what others think of us by how we behave, we can never control their thoughts. In fact, what someone else thinks about you or your decisions often says far more about them than it does about you! As I frequently remind clients, “What others think about you is really none of your business.” 🙂

Whether we’re talking about the pandemic, or a completely random topic, I’m willing to bet you’re doing just fine.  I’ll assume you’re doing the best you can, with what you know….but then again, those are just my thoughts about you! 😉

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The post Why Other People’s Opinions Matter appeared first on Rise Coaching.

I finished my chores that day, grabbed a book from my car and then sat down on the floor with my back against his kennel door.  I could hear him growl and barking behind me but didn’t budge. As soon as he stopped and laid down, I stood and told him what a good boy he was as I left.  The next day was the same, but his bark stopped sooner.  I continued working my way into his kennel and heart, until one fine day, he approached with curiosity and laid down beside me.  Over three months, we progressed to taking walks together and playing outside.  Once he knew he was safe, he became the “self” he possibly had never been before and was quickly adopted.

Scared humans don’t always look afraid.

Dogs are funny creatures…mostly because of the characteristics they share with humans.

People (like dogs) often behave terribly when they’re afraid. Although we have the ability to discuss our fears with others, we sometimes put on a bravado instead-to appear unafraid. But resisting and denying our emotions seldom works. Eventually, they show up when we least want them to!

There seems to be a lot of angry people in the world today.  We hear it as people talk about masks, the police, riots, government, elections…the list goes on.

It’s easy to get caught up by the emotion and to respond to anger with anger. 

But this doesn’t help.

Mostly because it wasn’t really about anger in the first place.

At the core of most of these discussions, lies not anger, but fear.

Fear of what our country has or will become.

Fear of when the pandemic will end, losing jobs, houses, or people we love.

Fear of things getting out of control.

Fear of anger and hatred growing out of control.

Fighting fear with anger will never work…
any more than fighting a fire with gasoline will.

The next time you catch yourself responding in anger (either internally or externally), may I make a few suggestions that may reduce the bark, growl, and threat, returning to people to their better versions of themselves?

1. Take a deep breath.

Most people’s initial reaction when someone tells them to take a breath is to punch the person suggesting it.  (The irony is not lost on me.) But this is because it’s not quite as simple as “just breathing.” When we breathe in for 5 seconds filling the stomach (rather than the chest), hold it at the top, and then exhale for 10 seconds while deflating the stomach,  the diaphragm, stimulates the vagus nerve, releasing  oxytocin into your bloodstream.  This is a very good thing because it helps you calm the heck down and regain your ability to rationalize. (“Is this an argument I want to step into?” “Will this help or hurt  our relationship or my position?”)

2. Ask yourself, “What’s the underlying fear here?”

The answer may surprise you. While sometimes we’re just afraid of our ego being bruised, other times the fear is larger.  Is something at risk of being taken? Destroyed? Lost? Maslow Abraham said that we all have a deep need to have our basic human needs filled, but also a need for safety (both physical & emotional), belonging, and esteem (or a sense of achievement & respect.  When we feel a lack in one of these areas, we’re extremely motivated to gain it back!

3. Speak to the need, not the growl

Meeting anger with anger will fan the flame when things get heated, but acknowledging the other person’s emotion and validating them as a fellow human being can bring reasoning back to the interaction and tame the beast.  This may be as simple as stating, “I can see you’re very passionate about this. You really value your freedom.” or “It must be stressful seeing the impacts of this to your business.”

“The tongue has the power of life and death.”
~Proverbs 18:21

Fear certainly can bring out the worst of God’s creation-both human and beast!  Thankfully, we also have the ability as humans to relate to one another and look for areas of connection.  When we’re able to reground ourselves and step back to assess the situation, we can see that all people have the same basic needs.  Remembering this and finding ways to connect, empathize and validate are the keys to improving our behaviors and supporting others with an environment that can help them be their best as well!

Feel a little overwhelmed by the negative?

If you’re feeling a bit frazzled and want help managing your mind, setting boundaries or getting your balance back, I can help you with that! Schedule a free, no-obligation consultation call with me and I’ll show you how coaching can help you step into the life you were created for.

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The post Badly Behaved appeared first on Rise Coaching.

Keeping someone in the villain role robs you of forgiveness.

Augh. The F-word. It’s an ambivalent word.  A verb and a noun.  An emotion and construct. It’s both necessary and complicated.  It sounds so  kind & lovely…until you have someone to forgive!

Most importantly, forgiveness has the power to heal both villain and victim.

You’ve likely heard it said that resenting someone is like drinking poison and waiting for them to die. It sounds ridiculous, yet the message is clear. When someone else does “wrong,” they likely don’t see it that way.  In fact, while you walk in pain or bitterness, they probably live completely unaware of your emotions (or completely uninterested in them!).

I began this series with sharing a story from my own past, where I was blamed by others for something that was outside of my control.  It was easier for them to point their fingers at me than to assess their own denial of the role they played.  The truth is that I also had unforgiveness for years.  I was hurt and angry.  I’d felt alone despite years of asking for their help.

I disagree that “time heals all.” I know that time in itself does nothing. Rather it is what you do with the time that has the ability to heal. In the years since that horrible day, I’ve had to examine my own heart and role in that relationship. The process of forgiveness (as with most things worth doing) is “simple” but not “easy.”

I disagree that “time heals all.”
Time itself does nothing.
It’s what you do in time that has the ability to heal.

Application:

Where do we begin? How do we shift from resentment to forgiveness?

1. It all starts with self-awareness.

When a wound is fresh, you’re likely so focused on the pain that you can’t see past it. As you gain some distance from the event, you’ll be better positioned to consider the role you have in your healing. A coach may be able to help you separate the facts from your thoughts about them. This process of exploring your thoughts will help you gain a perspective that better serves you.

2. Broaden your view.

I’ve found that the best way to broaden my perspective is by imagining what might have led the other person to the situation that occurred. We all know that hurt people hurt people. Imagining what their wounds may have been may help you increase empathy or understanding. This does not mean excusing the behavior, but rather; understanding how and why it may have happened.

3. Bring in the big love.

When the damage is small, it’s probably easy to forgive. But the deeper the injury, the tougher it may be imagine giving grace and forgiveness. The truth is, we’re not capable of loving deeply enough to cover others’ sins. Whether we acknowledge Him or not, only One can do that. Taking your broken heart to Jesus and asking for His power-living in you-to do the heavy lifting is imperative if you’re struggling to forgive.

4. Seek counseling if needed.

I once heard a pastor tell his congregation that they don’t need a therapist-they just need Jesus. While agree whole heartedly that Jesus is always the first place to run to and lean on, let me assure you: You can have Jesus and a counselor! God heals in many ways, including through people He equips to help you.

A therapist can point out if you may be trying to forget rather than forgive and may also help you process your pain in a way that allows it to be released rather than pried from that place of wounding.

One final thought when it comes to forgiving the hardest offense. Consider the word: forgive. Fore-give. Fore: Situated or placed in front. Before: The period of time preceding. One of the things I love about our Father is that he is more just, loving, and creative that my small human mind will ever be able to grasp.

He loves every one of us deeply. Even the person who has caused you harm emotionally or physically. His character is flawless. I know that I know that I know… Nothing will get by Him. He will make all things right in a way so loving, creative and just that I cannot comprehend—where His love is equal to his action.

Can I suggest that forgiving a person is the act of fore-giving them to God, trusting His character? This is no small feat.

I have found parenting to be a process of repeatedly giving my children over to God-trusting Him with their futures.  …And then finding myself worrying again and in need of releasing them again to the Father who loves them even more than I can.  Fore-giving the person who’s hurt you is much the same process.

These are not easy things. They will stretch you and grow you. They will test your faith and show your deepest-held beliefs about who God is. This is where He’ll meet you and heal your heart. De-villainizing others through forgiveness not only releases your pain but strengthens your faith. Don’t be afraid, friend. You’re in good hands.

Relationships can be complicated, but they don’t have to be. Come join us in the Rising Soul monthly membership where we deep dive into the place where Scripture & neuroscience join.  We’re a group of women who are intentional about living the abundant life we were created for.

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The post Villainizing Part 3 appeared first on Rise Coaching.

We aren’t able to grasp the difference between fault (or blame) and responsibility.

I was recently enjoying a glass of wine with a group of friends, when one of them shared her struggle of how her daughter had been getting inappropriate pictures texted to her by a boy in her grade. Thankfully, her daughter had confided in her, asking for help, but had also asked her mom not to get involved. This sweet mama was torn. Should she risk losing her daughter’s trust in order to protect her? As we rallied around her, brainstorming solutions, it became evident that this had been going on for some time.  Another well-meaning friend asked how it was that this had been going on for so long. You can imagine the mama-bear defense this roused my friend!  A thought-provoking (and rather heated) discussion on “victim blaming” pursued.

When we all settled down again, I shared something that’s helped me move from victim to victor when unjustly hurt by others’ bad behavior. Taking responsibility for my reaction to someone’s bad behavior does not mean accepting fault or blame for it.

Taking responsibility for my reaction to someone’s bad behavior

doesn’t mean accepting blame for it.

To be clear, I am not talking about transferring blame or responsibility from a perpetrator to the person they’ve victimized! Thousands of people are victimized daily in this world and do not deserve any blame for another person’s sinful thoughts or behavior. (For example, to suggest that a woman’s clothing makes her somehow partially to blame for her attacker’s behavior is preposterous.) However; we DO have the ability to find healing and freedom by taking responsibility for our response to injury, in order to stop our own mind from continuing the victimization long after the perpetrator has been stopped!

Application:

So how do we move from victim to victor?

1. Take time to feel your emotions intentionally. It’s completely normal and healthy to feel hurt or angry when someone behaves in a way that invades or offends us. Attempting to bury your emotions will likely just cause them to come out in ways you don’t want later. Left ignored long enough, negative emotions are more likely to explode than erode! This doesn’t mean sulking. Instead, give yourself some grace. Remind yourself that what you’re feeling makes sense and allow yourself to feel it so that you can let it go and move forward, rather than letting it hold you hostage.

2. Assess what happened. Praying about the circumstance allows us to ask for help seeing with an unclouded lens. Just because we feel defensive, doesn’t mean the other person intended to offend. In some cases, you may find that a misunderstanding or difference in opinions was at play. Ask God to help you describe what happened in an objective and factual way, so you can find healing and grow.

3. Consider your options. It’s tempting to ruminate on the problem, or the actions of the person who’s wronged us and how hurt we are. Because the other person’s thoughts and actions are out of our control, focusing on them keeps us stuck, thinking, “There’s nothing I can do about it.” What we focus on grows, so focus on what is in your control! Do you want to address the problem? Get counsel? Forgive? Advocate for yourself? If a loved one came to you with the same problem, what advice would you give her? What options would you see?

My friend went home feeling empowered that night, ready to arm her daughter with several options. She could block the sender, report him to the school liaison officer, tell him his pictures are gross and to stop sending them, delete them and forget them (knowing that they say much about his character and nothing about hers!), or do nothing. She helped her see that any of these choices were okay, as long as she liked her reason for choosing it.

Taking responsibility for your present circumstance gives the power and control back to the person who should be in charge of them…YOU! And even more importantly, it allows you to take actions which fully align with your values, so you can get back to living the life you were created for!

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The post Victimized Part Two appeared first on Rise Coaching.

This was before I had any formal education in psychology.  So, I did what any young woman does and went to the nearest counsel…my mom!  She held my hands and looked directly into my tear-filed eyes and said, “Shanen, people who are hurting need someone to blame. They can’t face their role in this, so it’s easier to point to you.”  There was such wisdom in that.

Now I know that villainizing others may feel better in the moment, but it never produces long-term peace. This is because we can’t make someone else a villain without victimizing ourselves. Why is this a problem? Because no one wants to be a victim.

You can’t make someone a villain
without victimizing yourself.

In this three-part series, I’ll show you three ways we victimize ourselves, and how to fight the good fight and end the war. Today, we’ll look at one way we cause harm to ourselves:

We refuse to acknowledge our role in the current circumstances.

Whether addressing a simple misunderstanding, or something as complex as brokenness within a marriage, the same principle applies.  Our thoughts create emotions which drive our actions. When we repeat these actions, they create results in our lives.

We’re all biased toward our current thinking.  This means we assume that our thoughts are true, and that the way we “show up” in relationships is the “right” way.  So to step back and consider that we may be partially responsible for negative emotions and circumstances initially feels awful! Because the human brain is intent on keeping us “safe” (both physically and emotionally), we often blame others in order to feel more comfortable with an “unacceptable” situation.

It takes two to Tango

“Collusion” is a term I often share with couples to help them see their role in the relationship, in order to find where change is possible. Collusion. It’s when two people work together to create an outcome that neither of them want! A woman sees herself as a loving mom who wants to protect her child. So, she nags her husband constantly to watch their daughter closely, discuss her every feeling, eat only specific foods, and avoid all scrapes and bruises.  Her husband wants their child to be resilient and believes his wife is overprotective. To make up for her eagle-eye, he allows their daughter to explore without any boundaries or limitations, allowing her to do things that are unsafe. They both love their child and want what’s best for her. But they work together (without realizing it) to parent in a way that keeps their daughter vulnerable and exposed. The key here is that they both see their partner as the villain who needs to change! As long as they stay focused on their partner’s flaws instead of their own role in it, they will remain stuck and frustrated.

Collusion: Two people working together to create an outcome neither of them want!

The Remedy

So how do we unwind this tangled web that we had a part in creating? The process is rather simple, although not easy--because of the emotions and humility involved! By considering the role we’ve played in our current situation, we switch the focus from things we can’t control to the things we can. This is paramount. After all, it’s hard enough to change our OWN behavior let alone someone else’s! If you could change that person, wouldn’t the things you’ve tried have already worked?

Some people fear that by refocusing on the things within their control (their thoughts, feelings and actions/reactions instead of their partner’s), they’ll be come a doormat.  The opposite is actually true. Taking responsibility for the things we can affect is the very thing that empowers us to create change!

Be curious about what you might not be seeing. Where are your blind spots? What would your partner and those closest to him/her see in the way you interact? Rather than searching your memory banks for the times you took the “high road”, look for the behaviors that contributed to the problem. The focus here needs to be on changing our SELF.  However, it is likely that when you change, the other person (or people) in the relationship will also.  (How long do you think you could continue dancing a flawless Tango if your dance partner switched to the Waltz?)

Change won’t occur over night. For sure you’ll step on each others toes and misstep. But eventually, you’ll start realizing that people aren’t all good or all bad, and neither is their behavior.  You’ll see that we all play the roles of both victim and villain at times, and that taking ownership in our role can move us from victim to victor.

If you’re tired of feeling like a victim of your circumstances, it’s time to step into the life you were created for. After all, we weren’t made for a spirit of fear, but of power, love and self-control! Rising Soul is a monthly membership where we deep dive into the place where Scripture & neuroscience join.  We’re a group of women who are intentional about living the abundant life we were created for.

Click here to learn more and join the wait list so you don’t miss out when doors reopen for just one week at the end of September! You won’t want to miss out when the work begins on October 1st.

The post Villainizing Others appeared first on Rise Coaching.

Humans were created for fellowship…with God and each other.

There’s been lots of buzz about “finding your tribe” in the past several years, because we all know who we hang with matters!  There’s a high correlation between our own health (mental, spiritual, physical, even financial!) and who we spend our time with.  This is because of the influence we have on each other and how susceptible we are to “group think”.  Attitudes are contagious and attitude is everything because it reflects our thinking.

If you’re like most people, you have a variety of friend types. Some are your “yes men” (cheerleaders) who will always have your back, and always support your thoughts, feelings, and actions.  Others (if you’re lucky enough to have them) will set you straight when you’re off base in these areas, but only if they have a different perspective than yours.

When we’re emotionally “STUCK”, we run to the people who will validate us and our experience.   While this makes us feel better in the moment, it’s a huge obstacle to spiritual growth and mental well-being.   If I think my circumstance is awful and my friend(s) validate that it’s “awful”, guess how I get to keep feeling?  Awful!  While I’d rather feel awful with others than alone, I’d rather not feel awful at all!  When friends are unable to help you through challenges, it’s usually because what drew you to them in the first place was that on many levels-they think like you.  (How many friends do you have with morals, values, beliefs, and lifestyles that are polar-opposite of yours?)  This makes it difficult to help you shift out of your current thoughts/feelings/actions.

Few people realize that this cycle of running to friends with our problems is actually a large part of what keeps us stuck in them, and the results we have in our lives.

Who you run to matters.

Because we’re only as stuck as our thinking

…and the thinking of those we run to.

How do we know who we need to get unstuck?  How do we decide where to run? 

First, stop running.  Stop being reactive and instead, be intentional about what you really need. Do you need to vent? Feel heard? Understood?  Are you ready to move out of that stuck place yet, or do you need to just allow room for the emotion for a short time?  What you need will determine who you go to.  The first stop is a given.

God: You’ll never go wrong with this one, my friend.  He’s the only living being who is not changed or influenced by circumstances.  He isn’t swayed in opinion, doesn’t pick sides due to favoritism, and He never misses parts of the story.  In fact, He knows the why, the how, and the ending of what you’re going through.  So why in the world would you go anywhere else first?  Pour out your thoughts and feelings and then be still and listen.  He might even point you to a friend for wise counsel in addition to giving his own.

Friend:  If you are blessed enough to have a friend who tells you hard truths and challenges you, this may be a good option.  These are the people who are able to validate you without validating your unhealthy thoughts.  Just realize that by virtue of your relationship, they’re inherently at risk of joining you in your thinking.  Friends have a tendency to “get in the pool” with us when we’re drowning in emotion.  They care, so they jump in…to help, rescue, or drown with us.  Just because they’re wise and can call us out on our bad thinking doesn’t mean they can’t join us in it as well!

Then there are the friends who openly ask for the diving gear before jumping into the pool with us.  We choose these friends when we want to continue believing our thoughts.  We want them to justify our thoughts/feelings/actions to exonerate us of responsibility for these three things.  But we can’t grow if we don’t change. And we can’t change if our thinking remains the same.
Coach: The coaching relationship is unique.  Because a good coach will not get in the pool with you.  Instead, we stay on dry land and have tools to help you get out of the pool!  We don’t agree with your thoughts or judge them as right or wrong thinking. Instead, we help you evaluate them, show you your blind spots, and hold a safe space for you to find empowerment through responsibility for your life.  The greatest gift I get to offer clients is the realization that they have options.  I help them see that they can choose how they think, feel and act even in their current circumstance.  I help them see that their thoughts are creating their emotions and I help them see how they can reach a result that they want by changing the way they think.  This is not the work of Polly-Anna.  This is not “fake it til you make it” or feeling happy about everything.

This.is.tough.work.  It’s not for everyone. But it is available to everyone.

If you’re sick of feeling “stuck” and struggling with the circumstances of this life, it’s time to give coaching a try.  Six weeks will give you the tools you need and time to practice them.  Click the button below and schedule a free 45-minute session with me to explore where you’re at and what coaching can do for you.  There’s no obligation.

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The post Who you hang with matters! appeared first on Rise Coaching.